tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post2534613382048696161..comments2023-05-03T05:42:25.845-07:00Comments on Birthmothers For Adoption: guest blogger: both his mothers loveUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-38084168738109401482009-12-01T02:04:03.225-08:002009-12-01T02:04:03.225-08:00There needs to be more people like you Karine. Yo...There needs to be more people like you Karine. You truly seem to have put yourself into a "bithmom's shoes." :-)etropichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12598931891313075439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-83551462164555650272009-11-21T13:36:34.417-08:002009-11-21T13:36:34.417-08:00Karine,
I am glad you feel this way now, just wait...Karine,<br />I am glad you feel this way now, just wait til you actually have the love of the birthmom, it's AMAZING!! Our son was adopted 2 yrs ago and like you I was a little uneducated about open adoption in the beginning. Well after the first meeting we loved his birthmom and her mom right away. We were never scared after that at all! She respects us as his parents and she loves us. And we love that we ALL love our son! We want her to be in his life forever and for him to love her as much as we do.<br />We received two blessings in our lives, our son and his birthmom! We even got a bonus family, love them!! <br />I hope you are blessed soon with this amazing relationship. I would love to hear about it someday.<br />MeghanMeg and Kenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08389282509165129192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-24789697304701952692009-11-13T00:17:43.880-08:002009-11-13T00:17:43.880-08:00tina raises a valid, but rare, aspect to open adop...tina raises a valid, but rare, aspect to open adoption, which stresses the importance of communication, having a legally bound written post placement contact agreement before the birth (this protects all parties involved), seeking help from third party mediators when needed and working with caseworkers when appropriate after placement. <br /><br />it is wrong, however, for any adoptive couple to enter the adoption journey with a preconceived notion that an experience like tina's IS going to occur and therefore have a preconceived notion to close an open adoption after the adoption is final. <br /><br />open adoption is like any other relationship, you have to work at it, always, and work HARD at it, continually, your open adoption will never go away, and i dont think that all adoptive couples realize the truth of that until its in the thick of the relationship and they are caught off guard. would you walk away and close off communication from a sibling, parent, child or spouse if they 'crossed the line' during a hard time of weakness and intense personal struggle? i would hope not. a birthmother should not be treated any different based solely on your respect for her. i think all too often too many adoptive families are too quick to walk away and close their adoption out of fear and not any sort of legitimate reason. (generally speaking here, not referencing tina's specific comments to her specific journey, at all) <br /><br />in my personal opinion, even if/when the adoptive couple feels boundaries are crossed by a birthmother, there is no reason for them to not send or post, at the very least, pictures (on a blog or share site) for the birthmother to view when she wants. you can even set it up to be private so that only she can see it. not comfy with the internet? then by all means print some pics at walmart and send em to the agency a few times a year, its not that much of a sacrifice for you to do that when we sacrificed everything at placement. <br /><br />tina - perhaps things will work out later in life for some healthy communication with her, time is a great healer. i am hoping you would be open to that idea! adoption luvsbirthMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11479996077788889914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-33301522792969972722009-11-12T20:33:33.323-08:002009-11-12T20:33:33.323-08:00Karine,
Thank you for your beautiful words. I love...Karine,<br />Thank you for your beautiful words. I love the poem I got teary eyed. I hope you will be blessed with an open adoption.birthmomforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14058854613088289845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-9216158751517700112009-11-12T18:09:59.691-08:002009-11-12T18:09:59.691-08:00Tina I understand where you are coming from and th...Tina I understand where you are coming from and there are some birthmothers who cross the line. That is hard when she won't accept the fact she is no longer THE mother. This is why I so often stress the fact that everything should be written down BEFORE if possible.Jessalynn Speighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02755974519647990950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7774038240425612964.post-29037867558482143422009-11-12T17:35:29.879-08:002009-11-12T17:35:29.879-08:00Karine, your words are beautiful. I respect what y...Karine, your words are beautiful. I respect what you have said. I see your love for birthmothers. Being from the adoptive couples stand point I have to say that I wish you much success in an open adoption. <br />Unfortunately my husband and 2 other children did not have what we desired in an open adoption. There are two sides to every story. Our birthmother showed us no respect as the parents, she called herself the mother, and our child her son. She was young when she had our son so we tried desparately to be patient as we knew she was struggling. We wanted to help. Finally boundaries were so out of wack from her we had no choice but to close the adoption. It has been hard as we do care.<br />I wish you all success and pray that no one has to go through what we have.<br />Much respect,<br />Tina from OregonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com