loving a birthmother - from mrs R

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mrs R is a dear friend to both of us (desha and jessa) and a remarkable example of living happily with open adoptions that WORK. be sure to check out her blog if you dont already follow it, for all kinds of positive adoption advocacy and information, as well as resources for any member of the adoption triad! also, the R house is hoping to adopt! 

It's true, adoption is what brought us to each other, but it is so much more that has kept us close together.

It has been 5+ years since our oldest son's birth mother emailed us and invited us to be the parents of her baby boy. 

The weekend we met 5 year ago.

I have been blessed to get to know her not only through our shared motherhood, but also as a dear friend. She is someone that I admire. She always seem so calm and easy-going and is the least judgmental person I have ever met. She just loves regardless of situation or circumstance. I want to be more like her! She is also a great example of being giving and sharing; she has been sweet enough to let us have a relationship with her extended family (brothers, sister, mom, dad, step dad, cousins, grandma, aunt, boyfriends, etc.) and share time with them even on our visits with each other which are too few for my liking. (One of the bummers of being 2K+ miles apart.) 

We have tons of fun even though ours is a long distance relationship. When she posts on Facebook that she is craving a cherry Slurpee from 7-11 but doesn't have a 7-11 close, we love to hop in the car and go get one in her honor ...and then tell her about it. When she hears that her son hates Carl's Jr., she makes a point to ask for his forgiveness when she is forced to eat there. Our almost constant texting of funny things, pictures and questions for each other is silly and uplifting, even 5 years later. I even adore the way she texts smiley faces. =]

Our youngest son's birth mom has been a family friend since was in elementary school. Our relationship with her has grown from "that pretty girl who is friends with my brother-in-law" to a beloved friend and confidant. 

Duck lips kissy face is a classic when we are together.

She is passionate and feisty--a lot like me--which makes her easy for me to talk to. When she calls and says, "Can you pick me up from the airport tomorrow, I am coming for a visit!" We celebrate because she brings the party with her. Literally. We always have white Walmart cupcakes (not the minis, she doesn't like those as much) with white frosting when she comes. We make fun of my brother-in-law and tell the boys all the crazy stories of things they did when they were little. And we laugh. A lot. 

She is fiercely loyal and you can always count on her to have your back when you are going through a rough time. If she sees something on Facebook about me having a rough day, she calls to check on me even if she only has 2 minutes to step away from work. I try and do the same, but she sets a high standard! The night that we experienced a failed adoption plan, she called minutes after we received the news just to check on us and try to lift our spirits. To this day I have no idea how she knew so fast. She really is amazing.

Being close to the women who give so much love to our family has been one of the choicest blessings I have gleaned from being an adoptive mom. I love, respect and admire these women for who they are. They are so much more than their choice to place although it is a sacred part of them. 

They are our closest friends.

They are family.