“Free Lifelong Counseling”
This was splashed everywhere when I was pregnant and going
through the adoption process. What that should’ve said was, “Free counseling
until you are done placing then we don’t give a damn.” Or “That’s just
something we say to sound good.”
8 years ago I placed. I have become friends with hundreds…
maybe even thousands of birth parents in that time. Many of them placed through
LDS Family Services. Many of them need counseling, and all but a handful are
not receiving it.
What happened LDS Family Services?
Excuses that have been told to birth parents:
“You signed a paper saying you would only get 3 counseling
sessions”
“You need to be referred by a bishop”
“Sure, we can get you in, How will you be paying."
I heard a few myself when I called in last year for help. I
was drowning. Flailing even. I was struggling with so much in my life, and part
of it had to do with my adoption. Yet, when I called in for my free lifelong
counseling, I was turned away. I was told that I would need to pay for it.
For three days after I got off the phone with LDS Family
Services I was devastated, I was angry, and I was confused. Finally, enough
rage built up inside of me, I called again. This time…I was not nice.
I sat and yelled at the sweet old lady who works the front
desk, I yelled until she heard me for real.
I told her that I know I was no longer an important uterus
or baby maker to them, but I needed counseling. I told them that I had placed
under the assumption that I was going to have the access to free lifetime
counseling. I told them that I don’t care if I wasn’t currently active in the
church, that I needed counseling.
I hung up. About 10 minutes later she meekly called me back
and asked when I would like to set up an appointment. I started seeing the
therapist I am seeing now, free of charge, and she is a life changer. I see her
every other week and I finally feel okay.
I got what I needed, but I had to fight.
What about those who are struggling so incredibly bad they
don’t have the emotional fortitude to fight for themselves? Why should we have to fight in the first place? And LDS Family
Services isn’t the only one who is falling through on their counseling
promises. I have heard similar complaints from those who have placed with
Bethany, Catholic Charities, and Independent Adoption Center.
Why are agencies failing us? Why even bother promising
something you aren’t willing to give?
It should be accessible. To ALL BIRTH PARENTS. Not just the
LDS or active ones, because I don’t remember that being an issue WHEN we all
placed.
Since my own personal experience, I have helped several
other birth parents fight for their counseling. Just another reminder and
testament that it is a good thing LDS Family Services is no longer completing
adoptions.
If you know of anyone else needing their “FREE LIFELONG
COUNSELING”, send me a message and I will help you out! Nobody should feel that
hopeless and that discouraged on something that was clearly promised to them
over and over again. We have a right to what we were promised.
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