Friday, February 18, 2011

guest blogger: adoptee- supposed to be

My name is Rachel,
I was adopted when I was 5 days old- I had to stay in the hospital under special lights cuz I was born with jaundice.

My birth mom was 17 years old when I was born, and was dating a very abusive man at the time of my birth.

At the time she thought he was my dad- turns out he isn't, my dad is the man she was seeing between the 'offs-and-ons' with the abusive man.

I was adopted by a very loving family who, I honestly say, I have few things in common with at times, but they are my parents and my siblings, and I love them no matter what.

When I turned 18 I found my biological mom, with ease (but that was because of circumstances that I cannot disclose because the legality of it).  I was scared to meet her- I kept thinking 'what if she is crazy?' 'What if she's one of those women who have to suck the other person into their life?' but I think the biggest thing on my mind was 'What if she doesn't like me?'  We met at the library downtown, and when she walked up to me I was stunned. I knew instantly it was her, and we sat for a very long time talking. I asked her a million questions- mostly 'Why did you give me up?' Her response has stuck with me for these past 3 years. She said 'because if I had kept you, you wouldn't have lived to your first birthday. The man I was with was abusive and I knew if I kept you that he'd end up beating you too.'  

Growing up I had some resentment to my biological mom- I had it rough because of the age difference with the children in the family I grew up in. I was the youngest of 3- there are 12 years between me and the oldest (my brother), and then 8 between me and the middle (my sister). So it was like growing up with 4 parents instead of 2 parents and 2 siblings. And then not to mention the personality differences in the family- the family I was raised in is very religious and I’m more spiritual than anything else. I'm a more 'dark' individual and they are very perky people. But regardless of that I love them- I would not change a SINGLE thing in my life.

Let me explain why I feel that way:

Meeting my biological mom really opened my eyes to the world. I had never given thought to the MAJOR 'IF' that comes with adoption:

'What if I hadn't been adopted?'

Wait- scratch that- I had paid mind to that, but meeting my biomom opened my eyes to the reality of that question.
Growing up you also think 'If I hadn't been adopted I’d be living in some big house with my REAL family' or 'I bet my biological mom is famous now!', etc (you can fill in the blanks). 

But actually MEETING her opened my eyes- here is the reality to that question that also floats around in my mind-

'If I hadn't been adopted I’d have been a teen mom, struggling to make ends meet, with no real chance for a better life'.

I am so GRATEFUL for being adopted, sure there are times where I think 'I wish I hadn't been' but then I look back on my life and who I have become and I think 'if I hadn't been adopted- I wouldn't have met the people I have, I wouldn't have gone through everything I have, I wouldn't be who I am now. and I like who I am'.  sure there is that small possibility that I would have turned out roughly the same- but that is a very very SLIM chance. Its so slim because my biofamily lives in a more 'risky' neighborhood in the city, they have gangs everywhere and do not have very good living conditions. In that community you have to do what it takes to survive, which are not very good things.  The family I live with (my family who is my FAMILY), live in a more suburban area, where you can play outside in the dark and not have to worry about being kidnapped or gunned down by a drive-by shooting. 

If I hadn't been adopted it would not have been able to get a strong education- not had the opportunities I’ve had. I probably wouldn't have been able to go to college, or even own a car. 

I honestly believe adoption is the BEST thing in the world for mothers who are either too young or cannot support the child they've had. It blesses both the mom and the child- and yes it is hard but in the end it is SO worth it.  My biomom and I are best friends, she has not replaced the mom who raised me, but she is very dear to me. Also- meeting my biofam has made me love my FAMILY more- I am becoming much much closer to my mom than I have EVER been. 

To all those people out there that think adoption is awful and such- you are SO wrong. It is one of the most beautiful, and amazing things in life. I can't lie- when I was little I hated it- but looking back now...well I wouldn't change it.   I believe I was adopted by the family I was supposed to be born into- which sounds crazy- but it’s true.  And now having TWO families- I feel so loved and complete. I can't even describe it.

Birthmothers4adoption, I believe what you are doing NEEDS to be done- people need to hear the voices of the biomoms and the children who were adopted, not to mention they need to hear from the adoptive-moms.  I am so grateful for all the moms who have placed their children, because they sacrifice so so much and give SO MUCH MORE than they think they do to the babies/kids they place.

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Diana of Diana Rambles said...

Thanks for sharing with us all, Rachel!!

Ashley said...

I am SO proud of you, Rach!!! You have no idea! I love you! Jess, thanks for all you do, too!

Angee said...

I'm sitting here with tingles. Thank you so much for sharing! Your story really touched my heart.

birthMOM said...

from facebook:

And now I'm a big crying mess. I hope some day my daughter can see me like this.

Beautiful and so open about her feelings. Love it

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