Monday, May 7, 2012

loving a birthmother - from H

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I asked several adoptive mothers that i know, who have adopted more than once, 
to write a post for our blog. 
I asked them to share why they genuinely love their childrens' birthmothers. 
if you are an adoptive mother and would like to contribute to this series, please email me (deshawood at gmail)

I am the mother to 7 children. All of whom have been adopted. I have 2 different sibling groups and in total have 4 birth moms. My children have come to me at all different ages. We have a unique situation in that most of our birthmothers did not make an adoption plan but rather had parental rights terminated by the state or choose to relinquish their parental rights. I love these women! I am going to focus on one particular relationship. I have asked permission to share our story. Brayden's miraculous birth mom has graciously given permission.

When my son Brayden came to me when he was 3, his birthparents parental rights had already been terminated. He had spent half of his young life in foster care. His birthmother was a teen mom, who had also been in foster care. She came from a long line of generational addictions and fought hard for everything she had in her young life. She was in prison when Brayden came to live with us. Having adopted through a private agency and having an open adoption with one of my other sons birthmother's, this felt foreign. I was supposed to know her. I couldn't help but think of her and her life. What options and choices had she had? Young, forgotten, and forsaken. Alone with 4 walls that kept her surrounded by her memories. I yearned to gain as much information about her as I could. I watched the prison website carefully to see when she would be released from prison. But why? This woman I had never met haunted me. I loved her without knowing her. Not only for the amazing child we share, but because of what she did do right. Because I sensed how hard she had fought to find what she had been missing. How hard she fights her addictions. She was the missing piece. One I felt I desperately needed to find.

One night we went to a local health food store called Sunflowers. It was fairly far away from where we live. My husband had Brayden on his shoulders and I was holding one of my other sons hand. We approached the check out. A young woman was bagging our groceries. I turned to my husband and mentioned I thought she looked like Brayden's birth mom. My husband laughed telling me I thought everyone looked like her. I turned to ask, as I often did, and she was gone. The checker couldn't explain it either. I didn't think much of this until a few weeks later when I had decided to start searching for her on public networking sites. Bingo with in minutes I had found her. But now what? How do I explain who I am. A woman she has never met. A woman who was now raising her son. I sent her an email. And waited............ The next day I received an email from her. She was elated we had made contact. She mentioned that she had met us once before while she was bagging groceries at Sunflower Market. She was so overwhelmed she had to leave work that night. She said Brayden was so happy, so big. She was so scared she would never see him again. So she just watched us.

This was the beginning of our relationship. We were brought together by the love we shared for one amazing boy. But we are friends because we choose to be. When her sister was hospitalized due to an accident and it was clear her sister would not survive, I was one of the first people she called. We both held our boys hands at her sisters viewing. Brayden proudly introduced us as his Moms. We met her and her Mom on Brayden's birthday and went to dinner together. When she announced she was engaged, Brayden told her she couldn't get married until he approved. He made her call her fiance and made him ask for permission. He reluctantly gave them his blessing. We were among the few invited to her wedding. And when she recently got pregnant again, Brayden, Her mother, and I organized her baby shower. She calls and asks my husband about which phone would best meet her needs. We talk about babies, crazy things men do, and what ever else comes to mind. Brought together through a series of miracles and the love we share for one amazing 7 yr old, part of each others lives in a way that few will understand. I love her for who she is. Who she fights to be every day. For the woman she is and continually strives to be. Because she is JOELLE.    


jodilee0123 said...

goosebumps! and tears!

DisabilityDiva said...

Love this story! Gives me chills EVERY time I hear it. H is truly an amazing adoptive mom and Hooray for Joelle!!!

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