Monday, April 30, 2012

Questions are Answered! Q #17 and #D

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Answers from the lovely birthmothers:
Note – not every birthmother has answered every single question, please match the fonts to know whose response you are reading!

if you would like to answers any of the questions please do so in the comment section and be sure to leave the number of the question that is being answered.

Stefanie     http://stefaniejinelle.blogspot.com/
Megan  http://angryoctopusstudios.blogspot.com/
Alyssa       one of our guest bloggers
Anna      http://annamaryk.blogspot.com
Jennilee     one of our guest bloggers
Amanda     http://travisandamandarosemans.blogspot.com/
Nicole    http://lifeafterfirstmom.blogspot.com/
Kelsey    http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/
Andee      http://anabananandee.blogspot.com/
Janessa     http://janessasjourney.blogspot.com/

questions for birthmothers from other birthmothers (1-17):

17. I'd like to know how other birthmoms celebrate birthday's, holidays or their child? Did you have a pregnancy/adoption journal? Did you keep things from the hospital, if so what? How are you doing today and how long ago did you place?

I send Anna a present every year.  I think it may have been a nice idea to make a cake for her and blow out candles, but since she was doing it with her Aparents I didn’t think it was necessary. Having a pregnancy/adoption journal is IDEAL, I strongly recommend it, I didn’t keep a very good one and wished SOO bad that I had. I kept everything from the hospital, even her first bottle. 

I placed 7 years ago and I am doing GREAT!  Much better than I ever thought I would.  I still miss Anna, but I know we are both happier.

My pregnancy/adoption journal is my blog. I took everything that I could home from the hospital. One of the nurses was nice enough to give me a lock of her hair and the bow that she had in her hair. I just live vicariously through my adoptive couple through holidays by them sending me pictures and things. I'm flying out to Virginia for her first birthday. I'm sure when I have my own family and I won't be able to see her as much that I'll celebrate her birthday with my family and bake a cake for her. I'll send her gifts for Christmas and maybe a phone call for holidays whatever it is to keep in contact with her. I'm doing fairly well today since placement. I've definitely had my share of trials since then but I know God would never put me through anything that I couldn't handle. I still feel like the decision I made for Olivia to place her for adoption was the right one for me. I placed almost 8 weeks ago and they practically send me pictures of her every day either through a picture message or an email or a blog. Whatever it is they try to keep me on track with their life.

**I remember having a question after placement when people would talk to me about placement. I had no idea how comfortable my adoptive couple was with me saying she's my daughter. Is it alright for me to call her my daughter? I'm not her mom but I'm her birth mom ya know? My answer kind of to that is it's hard to transition from being mom to the birth mom. And I think you should include the adoptive couple and call them mom and dad when they're with her. And say "our" daughter instead of "my" daughter. She doesn't belong to anyone, we're all God's children.**

I placed 16 months ago. I kept a few things from the hospital, like his hat and the memento type things they give you. I did keep a pregnancy/adoption type journal, but I still haven't been able to go back and read it because it is so difficult to remember sometimes.

I kept everything that touched her skin. Excluding the obvious...ha. Right before placement I switched her binky for a new one and kept the one she had been using. I kept all the blankets. I kept the hat she was wearing. I kept the bands they put on her. I placed on September 8, 2009. Today has been a hard day. I have more good days than bad. I am happy that Sara is happy. I am happy that she will have such a privileged and comfortable life. But, I miss her with all of my heart and soul.

I placed 9 ½ years ago (June 2000). I kept the little hat, the wristbands, the little t-shirt, etc., and I put those types of things into a shadow box frame. I also have numerous pictures that I took and that have been sent to me over the years and I have put them all in a scrapbook type book. Every year on her birthday, my family and I have a cake and sing happy birthday and do something fun, just as if she were here. I have also been in the process of writing down the whole adoption story with every detail I can remember, from the beginning of the pregnancy on. And every Christmas I send her a present that I think she would like.

I actually asked this question but I thought I would answer it too. I try to go to dinner for my sons birthday. For anniversaries of special days I will look at my scrapbook, sometimes letters and video from the hospital. I did have a journal for my adoption. I kept a receiving blanket from the hospital, name plate, It’s a boy sign, hospital bands, shirt from hospital. I placed 5 years ago and I’m doing good.

My adoption is more open than others, so I usually get to see Bunny on Birthday's and Holidays. Just recently, my situation has changed to where I probably won't be able to see her this Christmas, and I used to get depressed, so talking about it with family and friends who support adoption, looking at pictures and "talking with her" kind of help too.

I celebrate my son’s birthday by looking at my photo album that I made of our time together in the hospital as well as reading the letters from his adoptive parents.  Another thing that I have started to do is write down all the things I do to remember my son so someday I can give that to him so he will know what I did specifically to think about him or remember him.  Things I kept from the hospital were a little tshirt my son wore, his little beanie from the hospital, his clamp from his belly button, his and my bracelets from the hospital.  I placed almost 18 years ago and I am finally on the road to healing.  I found out about two years ago where my son was and how he is doing and that set me on the road to healing.  I am doing a lot better now.

No journal. I kept their baby shirts from the hospital as well as the hand prints and foot prints. I sent letters on the holidays and birthday cards for their birthdays. I never work on their birthdays, I have always kept those days open because I never know how I am going to feel.

I have had 19 years to heal and accept that my children have lived their lives without me. I am in a place now where I appreciate not only what I did for my children, but I also appreciate my role in their lives. They are teenagers now and they have all told me, in one way or another, "Thank you" for what I had the strength to do for them. I am happily married with two boys of my own and I have no regrets about what I did all those years ago. All three of my adopted children are healthy, happy and have accomplished so many wonderful things in their lives.

I recently wrote, illustrated and published a children's book that explains adoption to kids from my point of view. It has helped me to get my story and thoughts into words and I hope that it can help many adpoptees out there undrestand that they were truly loved, and more importantly, they WERE wanted by their mothers. I am proud of my role as a birth mother and I am trying to be the voice that speaks out for birth mothers everywhere.

I want to fly out to her home every yr on her bday I don't know if I will be able to but that is the plan- I have journaled A LOT. I am healing today and I placed in May of 2006 (she was born May 15, 06)- the time has gone by very fast

On holidays I send a card and gifts. I call on her bday n xmas.
I had kept her 1st band-aid. Some hair. Hospital bracelet. Unfortunately I dont have them n e more.
She's almost 10. I placed her with the 1st family when she was 2 ½. 2nd family when she was 4 ½. (1st family lied on paperwork so made everything null n void).

I have a box that I put everything related to her in.  I look at it from time to time and it’s great to remember.  She is one years old and I am doing great.  I celebrated her first birthday with her and her family and I really enjoyed watching her interact with them.  It was very comforting.
I haven’t had a birthday yet to celebrate.  I didn’t keep much of a journal during pregnancy, but I did write him a few letters and I have a few other journal entry-type writings from pregnancy.  I kept most everything from the hospital- bracelets, blanket, cap, t-shirt, pacifier, all my paperwork, etc.  I am surviving, but it’s still really rocky some days.  I placed seven months ago.
I send a gift on her birthday.  Along with her gift I have chosen to send her a giraffe every birthday. because giraffe's are my favorite animal.  I shared this with the adoptive family.  That why when she is older, hopefully she will have a collection of something that I can say,"See I was thinking about you". (Hopefully she likes giraffe's as much as I do haha)
I did keep a few things from the hospital.  They took a picture of her RIGHT AFTER she was born and made 2 copies, one for me and one for the adoptive family.  I kept a card with her feet print on it and the welcome packet from the hospital and all my paper work.  That's it. 
I placed 22 months ago, and I am doing okay.  I am still sad from time to time, but overall I know she is happy and I have tried to move on.

On holidays I send a card and gifts. I call on her bday n xmas.
I had kept her 1st band-aid. Some hair. Hospital bracelet. Unfortunately I dont have them n e more.
She's almost 10. I placed her with the 1st family when she was 2 ½. 2nd family when she was 4 ½. (1st family lied on paperwork so made everything null n void).

questions for birthmothers from adoptive couples (A-G):

D. We give gifts on our daughter's birthday and on birthmother's day, but run out of ideas. What are some of your favorites?

You can never run out of ideas, its the thought that counts!  I have never received presents on my birthday or for bmoms day and I would have STRONGLY appreciated the thought.  A gift card, flowers or something personable would be awesome!  This is a very thoughtful idea!  DO IT! I think just the fact that you think about us by sending cards and presents on our birthdays is enough.

I haven't really received gifts since placement. I was given a Willow Tree figurine. Google those. I think they're amazing and meaningful. I was given one of a mother holding a baby. I think it's the figurine called "Angel of Mine." One gift that I received at placement was that me, Valery, and Olivia were given a bracelet that are matching that we all can wear. Val's dad made me a jewelry box with Olivia's name burned into the lid and they also put in little notes from their family. Those are just some ideas.

Pampering things are good, and so are fun things that your child makes. My favorite all-time gift was the letter that I got from my birthdaughter wishing me happy birthday. Also, talk to your birthmother and find out what she likes. She may really want a tshirt or she may need something that you can help her out with. It never hurts to ask your birthmother for ideas.

I only received gifts the first year which was fine. I was grateful for everything, letters, pictures, gifts. I loved it all! You could send a Christmas present or a gift to her on the birth moms birthday. Maybe even something for finalization since that can be a hard time for the birth mom.

Shop for your birthmother as if she were your own :)

Some sort of jewelry that has a special meaning that can be worn by the bm to show she is thinking of her child.  I found a designer who will add customer lettering to some of her pieces and got a necklace that is an open circle that says on the front “created, chosen, cherished” to represent my child’s journey to his new parents and on the back it has his initials and his birth date.  Previous to this I wore a locket that has his picture in it.  I have also seen bracelet or necklace with a heart to symbolize “you are always in my heart”. 

I do not receive gifts from my adoptive parents. I have always considered myself blessed with the pictures and updates.

I dont get n e thing. Something my daughter made or picked out-anything from her- would be great for me.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/therhouse?page=1&section_id=&order=  there are some great ideas on that website.  An adoptive mother that is a huge adoption advocate created it.
My adoptive couple gave me bag full of things that they knew I wanted/liked along with a massage on my first birthmothers day.
On the second, they gave me picture frame with two pictures framed of my princess and Sour patch kids (which is a thing we have..we all love them)

Picture related gifts are always great.  I’ve heard of those with photo-sharing sites giving gift certificates to something like SnapFish so the birthmom can choose and order prints or photo gifts.  Anything made by your child or that they pick out (if they are old enough).  I would also think a gift that shows you’ve gotten to know her and things she enjoys would be meaningful (without adoption-specific meaningfulness). 


Jen,Judd, and Brenton said...

I stumbled across this great blog and was curious to know how I can be on a panel or have my blog on your sidebar. I placed a little boy 5 1/2 years ago, later married and now have two more little boys. Adoption has been a great blessing in my life and I would love to have the opportunity to share what I have learned and experienced with others. Guess it would be a way to give back all the awesome support I received during my "healing".

Thanks! Sorry I didn't see anywhere to really contact anyone.


Mariel said...

Lindsey (The R House) suggested I contact you. My name is Mariel, author of “Or so she says…” (www.oneshetwoshe.com). This coming Monday, I will be introducing my adoption/foster care page on the blog. I’m currently collecting links to great blog posts, that will be beneficial to birth mothers, adoptees, families adopting, or those interested in foster care. Lindsey has sent me a handful of hers, and mentioned you have a blog. If you have any posts that you think would be helpful to potential birth mothers, and you don’t mind sharing them, will you send me the links? Also, I would love if you shared this information with anyone else who might want to participate.



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