Hey everyone! I’m Devin and I’m an adoptive momma of two angels. Jessa asked me to share a bit of our story, and why we chose to have open adoptions with our kids’ bio. families. We ended up adopting our kids through the foster care system. Being it was from the foster care system, you probably gathered bios. at least had a rough patch in life. Yep, this is true of our bios. So, why keep contact? We keep contact for a couple of reasons.
When planning for adoption there are three main groups of people. The child, bio parents and the adoptive parents this is commonly called adoption triad. We have family and friends that occupy each part of the triad. Some with the adoptions are open, some are closed, and at least one started off close but became open about 2 years ago now. We have found, in talking to everyone, that open is best for everyone involved.
A common feeling among adopted children is that their biological parents “gave them up” or “don’t love them”. This could not be further from the truth. Bios. love the adoptee so so much, they loving placed the adoptee in the adoptive family’s arms. Bios. made the selfless, courageous, and yet extremely painful for them choice of not being the adoptees parent anymore. With open adoption the children get to know their bio family and know they are loved and that they are with a family that was chosen for them. Closed adoptions are painful for the bio. family. We have seen families wonder for decades how an adopted child is doing. Again with open adoption the bio family can see who the child is and that they are happy.
You may wonder if our situation was different, since we adopted through foster care. Nope, not at all. Our bios. could have regained custody of their kids. It was different for each one of them, but at some point during the case, our bios. realized they were not in a position to give their baby the life the baby deserved any time soon. Very admirable if you ask me! Such strength. Oh, and you get the added bonus of knowing medical history, family traditions, etc. that could be important.
With open adoption, the adoptive family get amazing new family members who they love. Pretty much from square one, we loved our bios. They really are amazing people! They’re all unique and so incredible in their own way. I really can’t imagine life without them now. We would be missing out on so so much if we had decided to close our kids’ adoption. Personally, I think there would be a void. Like someone is missing. I don’t know how to describe it, what to say other then that.
I have been asked if the state saw a situation bad enough to take away the kids, why maintain contact? My answer to that is no matter what else has gone on in the bio. families lives they still love their children. The love our bios. have for our kids is so magnificent. Just like us as their adoptive parents, their bios. love these kids more than life itself. If we felt like the kids were in any danger, or in an unsafe situation, you bet we would pull out. But that is not the case. We are excited every time we get together.
If I could give you all a piece of advice, it would be this: it is not our position to judge people and decisions they have made. The past is the past. Plus, no one is perfect. We are all in this life doing the best we can with what we have. Everyone involved with an adoption should be treated like family. Always give love and encouragement. This is for anything in life, not just adoption.
Please feel free to check out our blog or email with any questions or comments :o)
Happy Holiday Season everyone!!