Tuesday, June 23, 2009

guest blogger: never too much love

Hey everyone my name is Stephanie toyn. I placed my beautiful baby girl in March of 2009.

I was 17 when i got pregnant and a senior in high school. At first i really didn't want to go to school because i didn't want anyone staring at me. But then i realized i didn't care what people thought about me. I thought that it was no ones business getting into my personal life. So i went to school.

For the first part of the year i wasn't showing all that much but people could tell i was starting to get a little bigger. It was a big surprise to me that no one was rude to me or said anything to me about it.... Well at least they didn't to my face... But the hardest part was not having friends around. They felt weird around me, they really didn't know what to say or to think. But later i told them that i just needed to be treated like a normal person.

But the biggest help that i got was from my singing group in school. We were the Box Elder Madrigals. We performed a ton. Once christmas time came around we were performing at Elementary schools, parties, and all sorts of places. Now my due date was February 11 so during christmas i was pretty big. I would put my self in front of a lot of people and perform. When it came time for the Christmas concert I even performed then, where A LOT of people could see me. Where A LOT of people could judge me.

But i didn't care. I enjoyed my senior year the best that i could enjoy it. Well to make a long story a little shorter I went a week over due. But my mom was telling me that i wasn't going to have my baby until i decided what i was going to do.... So one day i had the house to myself and i got this over whelming feeling come over me that i knew i should place my baby for adoption.

Well that was a tuesday... I told the couple i had met a few weeks eariler that i wanted to place with them Wednesday and i went into the hospial Wednesday night and had my little girl Thursday afternoon. 12 hours of labor. (The picture above is a picture of me and my daugher shes about 3 months old)

Well my baby is a forth native american and a forth black and the other half white. Because she was native american i got the chance to keep her for 12 days. Placing her after those twelve days was so extremely hard because i got to know my little girl. But i was blessed enough to have her and then have the strength to do what i had too. But during those 12 days that i had her the adoptive couple went out to buy stuff for her. The adoptive mom had a lot of baby showers and was able to have cloths and stuff for her.

Placing her was one of the hardest things i have ever done and will probably always be the hardest thing i have ever done. But what gets me thru everything is that i know that my baby girl is so happy and so very loved. She is so speical to me and to her adoptive partents. You can never give a baby too much love. My little girl is so spoiled and is loved by so many people. That is so much more then i could ever give her... I am grateful for adoption and for everyone that has helped me realize what i really needed to do. Adoption is really all about love.

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