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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Negativity!

Lately I feel like I have been encountering a lot more negativity from people about adoption. So this I would like lots of comments about! How do you handle the rude comments from people who have had a negative experience or are just plain ignorant. I feel anyone who has been through the adoption process in some way shape or form has the duty to explain what its really all about. Its about LOVE! Its about Giving that child MORE! It is not abandonment, it is not getting out the easy way. In my opinion that would be abortion. So how do you get past it? Because the past few encounters have made me sick to my stomach, not because I regret what I did, but because I feel for them that they don't understand. Thoughts??????

5 comments:

Christie Smathers said...

I am a birth mother of a 2.5 year old son. I had alot of friends who told me i was a horrible mother for doing this and i didnt love my son. Recently i was told that i was wrong in "forcing myself upon my birthson" because we have an open adoption. I love my birth son and his family. His parents are more than best friends to me, and more than a sister and brother. We are almost like one family - just with 4 parents. We see eachother and talk to eachother all the time. We love eachother. I love my son as much as i love the child i now have with my beloved husband. My birth son knows who i am, and will always know. My daughter will always know who my son is and his parents.
What i try and remember when these people say these things is that they dont know. They dont know how much i love my son, and why i did what i did. How can they know when they themselves have never - in anyway - been touched by adoption? It is truly the greatest and hardest thing a parent can do, is send her child out to live a better life. Did moses' mother not to the same thing? Did joseph not adopt Christ as his own son? And as for those who speak ill of my openness. How can they know of the love and unique and special one-of-a-kind relationship i have with my family? Each birthparent-adoptivefamily relationship is unique and special in its own day and though some people can understand parts of it, no one can ever fully understand.
Personally i know that i did the right thing. Adoption is a beautiful thing. People are all for adoption when someone is adopting, but hate it when other are placing (including my own grandmother. I was placing my son and she hated me for it even though my aunt had just adopted a little girl). They need to realize that every aspect of adoption is beautiful, and wonderful and miraculous.

Amanda said...

Hi, I'm Amanda Williams on Adoption Voices, and we're in multiple groups together on there.
I think its horrible how some people post mean things.

I'm a birth mom of Christian (aka Bunny on Adoption voices) who is 2. I'm married and have a 1 yr odl son. People told me it was horrible for placing her, etc.

Unless you have been in those shoes, no one should critisize you.

Travisandamandarosemans.blogspot.com is my account :)

Tracey said...

If it weren't for birthmothers (and fathers) making the UNSELFISH decision to give their child more.....the 1.5 million of us with infertility problems would never be able to be mothers (or fathers) at all. GOD IS IN THE GIVING!

MacDicken said...

I'm a birth mom placed 5 years ago. I had a sister in law that did not agree with my decision to place. We didn't have a close relationship before but the little relationship we did have wasn't good after my decision. She did not want to see pictures or letter like the rest of my family and said that I was taking the easy way out and not taking responsibility for my actions. I was upset by this but I didn't care what she thought. Everyone else in my family and friends were supportive of my decision and proud of me. I just don't let it get to me. The only thing you really can do is try to educate the people that don't understand adoption and that it is about love.

Karine said...

Just remember its a reflection of THEM! NOT YOU! People who love you and support you won't judge you, will know and understand. Even educate themselves to be a better supporter of you!
I think your amazing Jessa! LET NO ONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT!
hugs!

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