Monday, August 3, 2009

So i am having issues with my daughters adoptive parents... I feel like the are pushing me out their life and my daughters life and i don't know what to do. I don't know if she is just dealing with her infertility and struggling that her husband is always at work and school and hardly ever gets time with him i dunno... But it is so frustrating... I try to call them to see how things are going and whats going on new in their life but they ignore my calls and my e-mails. When i first met these guys i had this great connection up until i placed my daughter with them. Then once i placed her with them its like they started kicking me out of their life. I am so scared to even call them to set up a day to meet up with them and see the baby.I am scared that they are going to close the adoption once it is final. I am scared that they aren't going let me come to the blessing or the sealing like they promised. They have backed down on a lot of things that they promised. What do i do? I am breaking down and hurting so bad. I don't know what to do. I am trying to be patient with them and everything i have totally backed off from everything and its taring me apart. I am so confused and having doubts about the whole adoption. I hate having these feelings because i know that placing her was the right thing to do and one of the hardest things i will ever do. But i never would have done an adoption if it wasn't an open adoption. WHAT DO I DO???


Anonymous said...

I can't even imagine how difficult that must be. You mentioned that the adoption is not finalized yet? Could you talk to your caseworker and have them talk to the adoptive couple to bring up how you feel? Maybe if a caseworker talked a little to the couple the couple might feel more open to talking about what is going on with them and the communication breakdown?!?

Helen said...

Stephanie, I am sorry you feel hurt by your adoptive couple. I agree that your case worker may be able to help. The couple may need a gentle reminder of what they agreed to. Good luck!

Katie BQ said...

I am so sorry! You may need a 3rd party to help bridge communications between you and the adoptive parents- so I agree about contacting your caseworker. It breaks my heart that people do this to their birthmothers. Hang in there! My son's adoptive parents have been amazing and I am starting to learn how lucky I am. There are a lot of birthmoms out there who have gone through this and can probably give better advice than I can. I'll just offer an e-hug!

Lechelle said...

Stephanie I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the above comments that your caseworker may be able to help.
I think some adoptive couples avoid birthparents because of fear, fear that by allowing birthparents to be close they themselves are somehow "less" of a parent. Perhaps your caseworker can help educate them so they can regain the confidence that only good can come from your daughter having so much love in her life by so many people.
- lechelle, future adoptive parent

Gracie said...

Stephanie... I agree with what the others have said here also. My caseworker has helped me so much with my placement. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. That is a tough situation. Sounds to me like the adoptive parents are having struggles too. I just placed my son Justin a week ago... I'm crying as I write this to you. I know how you feel.. it is so hard. What I have tried to do is put myself in the adoptive couples shoes. You mentioned that the adoptive Mother struggles with infertility and her husband sounds like a busy man. I would suggest to seek advice from you case worker and then to try and understand where they are coming from too. It is hard to do this when we are hurting but it has been what I've had to do in order to place my son. I couldn't give him everything he deserved. BUT his parents can now and that is what brings me peace. My adoptive couple had been waiting for 10 years to have children.. they have been in my life for 6 months now as they went through a lot of my pregnancy with me. They became best friends... things are weird now... I expected they would be but it is hard... just know there are adjustments always in life and that because you love your baby girl so much, know that letting her go and giving her more, her Dad and Mom. was the right thing to do. More then anything know you are not alone. I'm sure glad I know this and I found this blog. BIG HUGS TO YOU!

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Adoption Blogger Interview Project 2013