Monday, November 16, 2009

remember when i asked for questions?

remember when i asked if there were any birthmoms that had questions for other birthmoms?

well i got some great questions and will now send them out to all the birthmoms i am friends with on adoptionvoices.com, facebook, etc. so that these questions can be answered by all kinds of different birthmom perspectives. but i know there are other birthmoms out there who i dont know so, i thought id go ahead and post all the questions so that they might have a chance to answer them as well.

after i send out the questions and get answers back, i will compile all the answers and post them together. so please, if you know you are 'my friend' please send your answers to me in that email and dont post them as a comment here.

and of course if you ever have any questions, please ask, birthmoms will answer!
lets continue to help each other heal, learn, grow, and feel the love.
adoption luvs
questions for birthmothers from other birthmothers:

1. do you have any specifics that you would change about your adoption experience had you to do it all over again? for ex pics, gifts, placement sentiments, communication, etc

2. do you have any 'if i knew then what i know now' thoughts that might help others with similar albeit hypothetical situations?

3. if you did NOT name your child in the hospital, how come you chose not to?
if you DID name your child in the hospital why did you choose to?

4. what are your top 5 high moments and your top 5 low moments of your adoption experience?

5. did you feel prepared for placement/relinquishment and the first year(s) after placement? if so, what did you do before hand to prepare. if not, what would you recommend for others. did you think you were and then realized later that you werent?

6. who have you not told about your adoption and why? who have you shared your adoption with and why? at what point were you comfortable talking freely (if ever) about your adoption experience?

7. have you had a visit or even a reunion since placement?

8. what do you feel are reasonable boundaries for a birthmother as far as writing to your child, sending gifts, giving money, unplanned visits/phone calls/texts, etc?

9. is your birthchild old enough to know who you are? briefly explain if possible.

10. how do you cope when the adoptive couple doesnt follow thru on commitments they made with contact after finalization?

11. Do any birthmothers out there have any ideas for me to cherish my memories of all the pictures I have of my birthdaughter???

12. How do you move forward when the parents of my child are?

13. has any ones aparents not followed through with the contact they had promised? if so how do you handle and cope with that?

14. does the hurt and pain ever go away? maybe when they turn 18 and the aparents cant keep you from them any more?

15. what about having more children after placement? what are your fears? problems that youve come across? joys?

16. whats the best coping method when you feel overwhelmed with guilt and sadness? loneliness? anger? anything?

17. I'd like to know how other birthmoms celebrate birthday's, holidays or their child? Did you have a pregnancy/adoption journal? Did you keep things from the hospital, if so what? How are you doing today and how long ago did you place?

questions for birthmothers from adoptive couples:

A. Can adoptive couples send too many letters, emails, photos? When our birth mother doesn't respond, it makes me wonder if we are sending too much....

B. When is birth mothers day? Is there a different day than regular mothers day?

C. how much is ok to express while finding, in a blog that a birth mother could be reading? Example.... longing, excitement... worries, all the feelings the adoptive parent is feeling while hoping to be chosen and in the finding stages? Should we say how we are feeling anywhere? To give them a sense of who we are? Or should we just do that privately?

D. We give gifts on our daughter's birthday and on birthmother's day, but run out of ideas. What are some of your favorites?

E. Did you get professional photos with your birth child? Did the adoptive couple pay for it?

F. I am not sure if on the first meeting if I should bring a gift. Wouldn't giving a gift the first time we meet make her feel like she has to pick us? Like pressure? What are acceptable first time meeting gifts?

G. We have an idea of what we want to do on the day we bring the baby home for our birth mother. We are having so much fun putting a basket together of very thoughtful and loving gifts. Are there any you suggest?


StefanieJinelle said...

Well, I wish I knew where to send my answers to. I really don't have any idea who owns this blog or if we're friends anywhere. Ha. If there is an e-mail let me know (:

birthMOM said...

good point stefanie, i should have clarified that better!

i am birthMOM, also known as desha! (all my contact info is on my blogger profile)
i help Jessa manage this blog.

the blog is jessa's, she blogs as JLBills.

you can email me at deshawood@gmail.com or friend req me on AV or FB ;-) i can fwd you the letter of q's and you can answer the q's in line if that makes it easier as well.

Anonymous said...

u got all my answers awhile back right- cindy

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