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Thursday, September 2, 2010

guest blogger: A Beautiful Story about a Beautiful Girl!

I know Kristin from group in Provo! She is so sweet and her story is Beautiful!
Birthmom
The greatest ache her hear would ever know,
A baby within was now beginning to grow.

A very scared 15 year old she was,
A big decision she must make because,

A mistake she made not so long ago.
The months went on and she began to show,

She wondered where she had gone wrong.
As a good student wasn't she strong?

A moment of weakness changed her life forever.
With boyfriend and family by her side, together,

They made a decision in the best interest of all,
Especially for the babe precious and small.

A single mother she could not be.
Adoption, the only answer she could see.

They picked a perfect couple the they thought,
Would raise their daughter the way they would want.

On June the fifth, in the middle of a summer night,
Baby Courtney was a most beautiful sight.

Days in the hospital was all the time they had,
Then she would meet her new mom and dad.

To Steve and Karen I shall forever be in debt,
And this loving decision, I will never regret.

"I'm pregnant." Getting to say these words is supposed to be fun and exciting, one of the happiest days of your life. However, at the age of fifteen it is devastating and very scary. Growing up, like any little girl, I dreamed of finding Prince Charming, having a Story Book wedding, and living a Fairy Tale life. I never imagined being faced with making the hardest decision of my life, before my life even really began. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, but I also wouldn't have traded it for the world. Through this experience I learned more about life, at the age of fifteen, than most people do by adulthood.

It all started the second half of my freshman yeas of high school. That's when I met him, the love of my life, in Geometry class. Math had always come easily to me, but in this class the teacher might as well have been speaking French for as much sense as it made to me. That's when the cutest guy in the class, a sophomore, started talking to me, a lowly freshman. He helped me understand my homework and our friendship soon turned into something more. By the end of the school year I was head-over-heals in love. We were inseparable over the summer, which, looking back is where we went wrong.

The summer of 1999, I was a lovesick fifteen year old girl. I wanted nothing more than to be with my new love, every minute of every day. I thought we were going to live happily ever after and so nothing else mattered to me. The first time he kissed me, I felt like I was floating a few inches off the ground. The kisses soon turned into making out and making out into petting. Before we knew it our raging teenage hormones were out of control, and we found ourselves at the point of no return. I loved him so much that I ignored the voices in my head that were screaming "this is wrong." I let the voices whispering "it's OK because you're in love" take over. We began sneaking around, taking drives up the canyon or sluffing school to indulge in this new found pleasure. Being so consumed with our new found love we never gave a second thought to the possible consequences of our actions.

October brought our school's Homecoming week and the big dance. I, however, was not yet 16, the appropriate dating age in our Utahan culture. So, we talked my parents into letting me go to the dance in a group. A few day before the dance, I began to feel a little under the weather. Praying I wasn't getting sick and have to miss the dance, I had no idea that what I was 'coming down with' would take nine months to recover from. At the last minute our group fell apart on us, but since all the arrangements had already been made, my parents still let me go. It was a perfect and amazing night, dancing away in my sweetheart's arms. We were oblivious to the fact that our lives were about to change forever.

"I'm pregnant," was all I could say while trying to hold back the tears. The silence coming from the other end of the line led me to believe he was likely trying to do the same. "It will be OK," was all we could say to each other, but we knew it wouldn't be. Our lives would never be the same. We agreed to get together later and talk, but for the time being each of us needed time and space to process all that had just happened. I was devastated and completely in shock. How could this have happened to me? What was I going to do now? I was terrified to go home and tell my parents. I knew my mom would be disappointed, but supportive. Telling my dad on the other hand, all I could picture was him and my uncles, with their shot guns, going after my boyfriend. I learned though that they love me unconditionally and would be there to support me no matter what.

After considering marriage, we knew it was not an option. There was only one other thing we could do and still be able to live with ourselves. We could place the baby for adoption. Just the thought of giving my baby up was unbearable, but I knew it was the right thing. We began counseling at LDS Family Services. Our case worker, Tammy, was a lifesaver. She helped us work though our emotions and weigh our options to make sure we made the right decision. Not only for us, but the precious life we were about to bring into the world. We were also able to attend a birth parent support group once a week. This turned out to be my biggest source of support. Everyone there knew exactly what each other was going though, regardless of their specific situation. Here we found a level of understanding, love and support no one else in our lives could offer.

Five months into my pregnancy we found our we were going to have a girl. I cried though the ultra sound. I had been able to feel her moving inside me, but to actually be able to see a living and growing being inside of me made it so much more real. I was ecstatic, saddened, and completely overwhelmed. About a week later Jon and I had gone for a drive to talk when we were involved in a car accident. This sent me into premature labor. I was immediately hospitalized and a very concerned hospital staff was able to stop my contractions. They undoubtedly save the life of my unborn baby. This is when we decided to begin looking for our daughter's future family. We looked though the files of several deserving families. After much prayerful consideration we knew , with out a doubt, where our precious angel was meant to be.

Steve and Karen are an amazing couple. After several years of marriage and still no children they decided to try and adopt. We were able to meet for the first time May 10th at 4pm. The meeting went great. After talking about everything from ourselves to the fun and exciting preparations for our bundle of joy, we felt as if we'd know each other our whole lives. This only reaffirmed once again we were doing the right thing. We continued to correspond though letters until the big day finally arrived.

I woke up early Sunday, June 4th, feeling not quite right. I tried eating breakfast, pacing, and even going back to bed, but something just wasn't right. At about 10:00 a.m., I knew it was time. i slowly worked my pregnant body up the stairs to my mom's room. " I think we should go to the hospital," was all I needed to say when I found her. We had been to the hospital a few times in the previous weeks with false alarms, but being four days over due I was pretty sure this was the real thing. When we arrived at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center's labor and delivery ward they confirmed that I was indeed in labor, but progressing slowly. To speed things up they sent me on, what turned out to be a very effective, but painful walk. The contractions became so unbearable that Jon and my mom couldn't even look at me because the pain was so visible in the looks on my face. Relief came in the form of a heavenly liquid called an epidural. At 12:02 a.m., after two long hours of pushing, our beautiful baby Courtney was born. She was perfect and VERY healthy and nine pounds eleven ounces, twenty-one and a half inches long.

We were able to enjoy three perfect days in the hospital. I tried to soak up every detail of every minute we shared. I never knew you could experience such pure joy and sadness all at once. I held her tight as I signed my rights to her away, but it wasn't time to say good bye yet. We had decided on a physical placement that would take place at the LDS Family Services building. This meant I got to leave the hospital with my baby. I traveled with her and my case worker to where I would place her in her new parent's arms. It was a very tearful, hear wrenching goodbye, but you couldn't deny the pure joy brought into two very deserving people lives. Placing Courtney for adoption was the hardest thing I've ever done. And while I've shed my fair share of tears over the years, I've never been more at peace with any decision I've ever made. Even after eventually marring her dad, I know, beyond any doubt, that she is right where she is supposed to be. While some would say getting pregnant at fifteen is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, I would disagree. While it wasn't the most ideal situation, Courtney was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It's exactly like the LDS Family Services's commercials say, "I didn't give my baby up. I gave her more."

2 comments:

Seth and Deb said...

Very well written. Beautiful poem. I always am sooo amazed at young (15-16) birthmoms because I am not sure if I would have been mature enough at 15-16 to choose adoption. I very well could have gotten pregnant at 16 too, so it's kind of scary to think of. Props to you for making such a mature decision for your child :)

Bronson Family said...

Thank you!

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