Big Brother 1 (BB1)
Big Brother 2 (BB2)
Adoptive Parents (AP)
birth mom: (J) aka (JLBills)
Baby J: Josie
1) what do you remember about the face to face? What about when you found out you were getting a baby?
AP: First of all, we prepared the boys for this first meeting by telling them that we were just meeting J and that she would not make a decision about choosing to place her baby with us that day. That's how we as AP had been advised and prepared by our "social worker". So, with that, we went into the meeting not expecting anything but a get to know each other session. The boys were a little nervous for the face to face, but it comforted them knowing that their cousin (the birthmom's friend) was there. So, when J pulled out a basket full of baby related goodies we were shocked. I don't think any of us including the boys knew what it meant until we found the picture of the sonogram that said Congrats. You're having a baby. I think at that moment the boys had a permagrin on their face. We went out for ice cream after the formalities and that's the part the boys remember.
BB1: I liked going out for ice cream. It was fun getting to know her more and have her ask questions about things we like.
BB2: I liked talking with her and her friends. I loved the picture of the baby. I wanted to take it everywhere with me to show everyone. As soon as we got back to my cousin's house I ran right in there house to show them the picture.
2) Finding out it was a girl?
AP: Once we found out the baby was a girl I wanted to surprised the boys in a fun way. So I bought a PINK baby doll, cute little pink shoes and wrapped them in a package. I told them the gift was something our new baby could use. When they saw the pink and the doll, they knew it was a girl.
BB1: I had been wanting a baby girl for quite a while, so I was excited to be a big brother to a little sister.
BB2: I thought she might be a whiner, but I thought it was cool.
AP: We were elated. AD (adoptive dad) wept.
3) what do you remember about coming down to the hospital? What were your feelings?
AP:The boys were at their grandparents during the delivery. We didn't know for sure if our birthmom would want the boys at the hospital, but she wanted them there the very next day. The boys were stoked to be able to come. The whole experience was new and unknown of course for them, but it helped again that their cousin and aunt were there for most of it.
BB1: I remember talking to J's family and they were really nice to me. I remember J giving me a hug from her bed and then handing me Baby J to hold. I thought her face was puffy, but I loved holding her. She fell asleep in my arms.
BB2: I remember being happy and everyone in the room happy and then this nurse came in and got mad at us for me and my brother being in the room. Then I remember everyone telling the nurse that we were the baby's brothers.
AP: We wanted to be sensitive to J and her need for time with Baby J as well as her family, so we did not bring our boys with us. It made my heart feel so good that she wanted the boys there right away. We were also so appreciative of the time we were able to spend with J's family. We shared a very special experience with them when we came back to the hospital the day after the delivery. The boys remembered very clearly the event with the nurse. Just for explanation, the nurse was just doing her job enforcing the rule that only immediate family members could be in the room. She was apparently not up to speed on the fact that this was an adoption. So, she was quite adamant that the boys could not be in the room. I think it shocked us all when J and her family immediately replied just as adamantly that they were immediate family; they were her brothers. Then the nurse still didn't get it and turned to J and said "You're not old enough for these boys to be yours". Immediate reply: "they are her adoptive brothers." I think at that moment it really hit us and the boys that yes, our boys were her brothers, yes we were going to be her parents and everyone in that room knew and supported it. Great feeling.
BB2: I remember going back to the building where we met J the day after we were at the hospital. I remember giving J a special gift. We got her a build a bear and a necklace and we got one for Baby J too so they matched. I remember J giving me a hug and her mom and dad telling me to take care of Baby J.
BB1: I remember J and her family crying. I hoped they were crying for joy. I was sad for J, but I knew we would take care of Baby J.
3) what do you remember about josie coming home?
BB1: First of all I did not like it the my mom and my new sister did not get to come home with us. School started for me a few days after Baby J was born, so I had to go home. I remember me and my brother and dad calling my mom every night to talk to mom and Baby J and have family prayer over the phone. I was so excited when they finally got to come home.
BB2: I remember our neighbors decorated our house and front yard with a big welcome home sign when my mom finally came home with Baby J. I remember being nervous at first to hold Baby J b/c I was afraid I would drop her.
4) do you ever have to explain to your friends about her being adopted? How do you do it? And does it bug you?
BB1: Some of my friends ask me if my sister is adopted b/c she has different color skin than mine. It does not bug me that they ask unless they ask me over and over. My friends think Baby J is so cute.
BB2: It does not bother me if people ask me if my sister is adopted. After my sister was born I told everyone at school that I had a new sister. My friends think Baby J is cool.
5) what do you feel about josie's birthmom still visiting? How did you feel about coming to her wedding?
BB1/2: It's amazing. She's one of our best friends. It's cool. She gives us hugs. I wouldn't feel weird at all with her around my friends or at church. I would introduce her as my friend and my sister's birthmom.
BB2:The wedding was awesome. I was a little disappointed we didn't get to spend more time with J, but my mom helped me understand that it was her wedding day and she needed to be with all the other people.
BB1: Most people didn't know me and I felt just a bit out of place but I was glad I got to see J again.
AP: I just have to include this cute story. As a family, we had been looking forward to attending J's wedding. My son apparently had been talking about it at school with his teacher and how excited he was to go. When I went in to my son's classroom one day I was visiting with his teacher and she was asking me about our adoption. I was explaining to her that we have an open adoption, that we communicate regularly with my daughter's birthmom and that we were going to her wedding soon. She explained to me that my son has been talking about going on this trip for days and he was so excited to go to "one of his best friend's wedding." My boys absolutely adore J. I am excited for them to be able to tell our daughter about her birthmom and share their experiences with her.
One Little Word 2017
2 months ago