Monday, November 8, 2010

not knowing

i have many many birthmother friends who are dear to me place their children for adoption in a closed adoption. some of them have had things open up over the years, some have even had reunions as their children turned of age and they found each other. 
but most of these birthmothers, they just dont know,  a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. 
can you imagine? i cannot. 

not knowing your childs name, not knowing their face, not knowing their parents' names or faces, not knowing what state they went to after leaving your arms, not knowing if they, god forbid, have died. 
i had a distant relative thru a marriage that has since dissolved pass away this last year, he was adopted, and i had to wonder, does his birthmother even know? probably not. and that broke my heart even more than it already was for the loss of this mans life. 

i try to not take for granted the gift and the blessing that is open adoption and the reality of literally being the sole owner of my sons birth certificate from the hospital, its in my filing cabinet. the reality of knowing exactly where he is, seeing faces and meeting several of his extended family.  the reality of being the one to place him in his parents arms and didnt just hand him to a caseworker and watch him get loaded into the back of the caseworkers car never to be heard from again. 
the reality of hearing MY name come from HIS lips. 
the reality of knowing. 
i know and he knows. priceless precious sacred information.
we are lucky indeed. he points to my stomach and his, and tells me that i grew in his tummy. hes still working on exactly what it is he knows, but he knows that it involved him and me, not just him and his mom and dad. 

so many 'dont know' and that hurts my heart. just because 'i know' doesnt mean that i dont have a responsibility in making sure that others get to know. things need to be changed, for those currently involved in adoption, those who have yet to be involved in adoption, and even for those who missed the open adoption band wagon. those people still. deserve. TO. KNOW. 

and its US- the birthmoms of open adoption, who need to make sure it happens for them. we need to raise our voices LOUDLY and support the basic human right that is 'to know'

this is national adoption awareness month, and i ask you, women of this open adoption era...

are you aware what the laws regarding adoptees rights in your state are? for past present and future adoptions? 
are you aware of the pain and worry and grief that comes from not knowing? 
are you aware of those around you that are struggling with this burden? 
are you aware of how truly blessed you are to know? 

if you are not aware, than i challenge you to break out of your comfort zone and become aware. and once youve done that, then please, lets rally together and help our sisters who dont know by telling those in legislative positions how important and wonderful and healing it has been for us to know. 
we have been given much and so we too must give! 


it has already aired in OR, but i see in utah and california and other states it hasnt yet. someone record it on their DVR for me! i expect all of you who can and are able to watch this, to seek out more info, to read stories, to click 'share' on facebook when you see stuff about adoptee rights, and share your personal thoughts about this subject.  

i challenge you this month and every month to 'spread the word', tell everyone you know about WHY open adoption has been so great for you, about how knowing has been so great for you, so that one day, we can all know.  
i challenge you to be a voice for those who were told they werent allowed to have one, for those who are not allowed to know. 

as always, adoption luvs
the lime green ribbon represents adoptee rights,
it has been and always will be on our side bar.

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