“I love you Jessa” this is what I heard repeatedly from a sweetheart of a little boy last night as I was babysitting him. Those words melt my heart (probably why he got candy out of me even though he didn’t eat his dinner lol.) But it was this that led me to realize something last night.
Children are so trusting. They trust you so easily. He just looked at me and I could feel it through his eyes that he trusted me. I remember this same look from Josie right before I placed her. I looked in her eyes and even though she was only 24 hours old I could feel that she trusted me. Some would say I was dreaming it. I still hold and will forever hold my ground on that look. She trusted me to make the best choice for her.
I think sometimes we as birthmothers forget about that look, that moment of trust. That time when we looked at our birth sons and daughters and knew that as hard as this choice may be it was the right one for our situation and our birthchildren. No one can ever take that look, that moment, that time of truth from you. As for me, they can tell me I made it up, they can tell me I was drinking the kool-aid, that I was coerced; I know it was right and I know Josie trusted me. I know she still trusts me. That look is the reason why I fight for adoption, for open adoption. That is the reason why I strive to be a better person everyday. Because of a look that said “ I love you Jessa.”