Sunday, April 17, 2011

Meet A New Contributor

My name is Sierra I placed my baby girl almost 2 months ago. When I found out I was pregnant I remember having that excited yet very scared feeling in my gut I was engaged at the time so I thought we would just get married and everything will be normal, that quickly changed. I feel like all women get some type of pregnancy senses, where you can tell when situations are bad, and after a few months of being pregnant I knew I wasn't suppose to be married, and that's when the curve ball was thrown in.
          I was super sick for most of my pregnancy and that made it hard to really sit down and write things out because I was hugging the toilet most of the time, so all I could do was pray. Honestly I was stubborn for most of it I didn't even really think and if I did it was I can do it i'm almost 20 a lot of girls are married by my age and having kids why can't I? But then I stopped with the I's and really thought about her, was I really what was good for her, could I give her everything she deserves or will need? That was one of the hardest realizations I had ever had, thinking that if i was to raise her she would have two separate lives and would be switching weekends or always getting fought over in court was that really what I wanted for her? I don't think any mother would want that for her child and that's when I really seriously started looking at couples wanting to adopt online. 
      Now it didn't get easier, yeah I kind of made my choice to place but then again the next day I was single parenting and then I was placing, it feels like a back and forth battle that you never win at. I had found about four couples I started writing too, the first couple I really liked they looked so fun and talented and had their life together and right when I wanted to meet with them they got picked by another birth mom and that almost feels like a rejection. Yes of course I was excited and happy for them but you get the feeling that maybe adoption isn't the best way for you to go. Well this couple actually recommended another couple to me, a couple that they said reminded them of themselves, of course I looked at them read everything they had to say and sent them an email. I still had the other couples I was writing, one of them never replied and the others I just didn't have that feeling like I did with the other couple but the couple that got recommended to me was different. After quite a bit of emailing I finally got the guts to ask them if they wanted to meet because people can say anything in a email, they were more then happy to meet with me and I couldn't have been more scared. I went fully prepared to their house to meet I had a list of random, serious and personal questions with me it was as if I was testing them, I remember leaving happy and with peace in my heart. Yet that still wasn't good enough for me I still thought I could do it so I just prayed!! I remember after Christmas I just knew that the adoptive couple I met with was it, it was kind of like the shoes you have been looking for just fell into your lap, and so I made another appointment to meet with them. I was even more nervous this time, because we knew each other pretty well by now and it was like crunch time this was it, I remember seeing them and just being so excited to be there with them and just feeling the comfort of their home and the peace, I couldn't give my baby anything less. I brought them balloons that had to do with girl stuff and announced to them that they were going to be parents, their faces lighted up and all I could do was be happy for them even though I was about to do the hardest thing ever.

    I feel very open and close with my adoptive couple, I know that the decision I made was what was best for my baby girl and that she will always know how much I love her and that I really want what is best for her!! I Love my adoptive couple I couldn't have asked for more perfect couple, they are like family to me and the best parents, I look up to them and hope for a family just like them! Any young lady that has chosen adoption or single parenting is my hero, they are the strongest people you will ever know!

1 comment:

Jarom & Candise said...

Beautiful story, beautiful baby, and a beautiful Birthmom! Adoption makes me happy. Thanks for sharing Sierra.

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