I am writing this post about one of my friends. She doesn't know it...but i felt inspired to address this very situation.
Open Adoptions are often described like marriages. They take time to figure out how each other ticks and what each other needs. You have to constantly evolve in the relationship and change how things are done to tailor it to the ever-changing you.
There have been times in my own open adoption where i needed to take a step back and have me-time (in fact if you haven't all noticed i had a couple weeks of just that)
Sometimes you just need time to heal, regroup, and refocus on you and not so much the world of adoption. This is where some girls/women get into trouble. I have noticed that there are many of us who have placed who don't know when to say when.
Sometimes TOO open of an adoption can be unhealthy and not help us heal. The adoption can often take over our life and become the only thing we think about. It consumes us, our conversations, and our relationships. This is when we as strong women have to step back and say. "I need a break."
One of my friends has recently realized that she too needs a step back. She cut herself off for a while. She realized she wasn't healing properly. She realized things were going quite the way she needed them too. By doing this i grew an enormous amount of respect for her. ENORMOUS. It takes guts and a mound of self-honesty to take this kind of step. Not many people like to be honest with themselves.
To verbalize this step is even more amazing. when we verbalize goals they become easier to achieve because you receive help along the way. There is a huge sisterhood of birthmothers online and in support groups in various places. places where (usually) you can feel safe sharing your story, your thoughts, and your struggles.
I encourage every birthmother out there with an open adoption to take a step back, look at your adoption, be honest with yourself, and decide if you need to take a step back. It may be rough at the beginning but in time you will be blessed tenfold. you will find an inner strength and heal the way you need to.
I am so thankful for this friend being a shining example to birthmothers everywhere.
One Little Word 2017
2 months ago