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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Guest Blogger: reflections after retreat

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the annual birthmother retreat in WA is the second weekend in september. here are the reflections of one birthmother who chooses to remain anon.


The birthmother retreat is an eye opening experience. So many beautiful, loving, kind women. They have sacrificed the ultimate sacrifice...life. They gave up a year of their life to grow a baby and bring him or her into the world and give them and a couple a chance to have something special. There are couples out there who can't conceive a child on their own and want to adopt. These birth mothers' are in a position where maybe they can't provide for these babies the things they feel are most important. 

We all shared our adoption stories- what is so sad to me is how one caseworker who previously taught the adoption class to prospective parents at a particular agency, could do so much damage to so many and then not take responsibility for it. What an outrage!!!  What a difference in experiences at the retreat between birthmothers and  adoptive couples from the era of that old caseworker compared to the caseworkers at the agency who instruct adoptive couples now. It's amazing to me how un-Christlike some of these adoptive couples are. How dare you call yourself a latter-day saint!!! They have treated their birth mom so horribly and after the amazing gift they were given!! Seriously? Giving a baby up for adoption is a physically, emotionally, mentally exhausting, and heartbreaking experience. It's one that changes you forever, even if you go through repentance and move forward with your life. 

Go to hell! That's the message I have for ungrateful, selfish, secretive, bullying, manipulative adoptive couples who have been given a child and have shut out the birth mom or not lived up to their end of the deal. 

And to those who have shown love and kindness? God bless you for being such a saint to your birth mom. You are helping her and your child to know they are loved and appreciated and to know the truth. 

I was thinking the other day about sexual sin that results in pregnancy. What if none of us had broken the law of chastity? What hope would there be for these childless couples? I guess they would have the opportunity to adopt a child who was involuntarily taken away from unfit parents, but there are only so many of those cases. Think of all the babies given up voluntarily to couples in hopes by the birth mom that they will have a better life. It really hurts to say that. That my child would be better off with someone else. Ouch. 

I know for me, personally, I prayed and asked Heavenly Father what his will for my children was. Adoption was the answer. I am so blessed to have found wonderful, open, honest, loving families for my children. I love all of the birth moms I met at the retreat and the activities offered were healing to me in many ways. 




some of the beautiful birthmothers that attended the 2011 retreat.
(none of which are the guest blogger.) 

1 comment:

Megan said...

I echo what you said about a-parents closing open adoptions. And it amazes me that most agencies won't try to mediate the situation when it occurs.

"What if none of us had broken the law of chastity? What hope would there be for these childless couples? I guess they would have the opportunity to adopt a child who was involuntarily taken away from unfit parents, but there are only so many of those cases."

In 2009 there were about 115,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted in the United states. That's probably more than enough children for childless couples to choose from. Utah had a relatively small number though (565). Oregon had about 1,800 children waiting, and Washington had 2,900 children waiting. It is not necessary for single women to break the law of chastity in order for childless couples to get children.

Some couples do not explore foster adoption at all, because they would prefer to hold out for a healthy newborn baby that is voluntarily relinquished. Foster adoption has challenges that infant adoption doesn't, for sure. My sister and her husband had infertility issues, but wouldn't consider foster adoption because the children might be "damaged." They wanted to adopt an infant thru LDSFS but they weren't ever chosen by any birth mothers, so they ended up not adopting at all.

For more statistics:

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/waiting2009.pdf

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/waiting2009.pdf

http://davethomasfoundation.org/

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