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Thursday, May 17, 2012

loving a birthmother - from Ch

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I genuinely LOVE my children’s birthmoms….

I have been blessed by adoption 3 wonderful times. 
Each adoption is as unique as their birthmoms.

Let me tell you why I love my oldest son’s birthmom Ashlee. My son James aka Ashton-James or his nickname BAJA is named after his birthmom. When I first met Ashlee she was a junior in high school. I was so impressed that she maintained her high GPA of 3.9 even though she was pregnant and working nearly full time.  She has determination; a trait that I now see in my little BAJA. She is my hero. I have loved her from the moment she wrote us a beautiful letter of why she was placing with us. My love grew deeper when she kissed him on the forehead and then placed him in my arms. I love that BAJA seemed to look at Ashlee as if to say thank you…and then he looked to me. His past and his future in one look.

Ashlee and I describe our relationship as an EXTREME open adoption. We went to her high school graduation. We met her boyfriends, we shared birthdays together, BAJA was the ring bearer at her wedding, we give presentations to high school students, and she invited me and Brian as some of the first people to meet her little girl (born Dec 2011). I love watching her be a mom. I’m so grateful that she calls me to share in her little girl’s “firsts” and to share stories.

I love that I have seen Ashlee grow to a beautiful competent woman. She is smart, dedicated, gorgeous, a little stubborn, creative, and so caring. She managed a retail store and after completing school she now works in a medical office. Ashlee is so supportive of me and our little family. She is always quick to offer her support and love.  When we adopted Baby Jonathan last year, Ashlee tended BAJA and Christian for me so I could visit Jonathan in the hospital. 

There doesn’t seem to be a word that describes my love for Ashlee sister & friend doesn’t seem to express my feelings. My beautiful moment of Ashlee is just a few weeks ago we attended an event where I was getting an award for Motherhood.  I couldn’t receive this award without Ashlee. I surprised her by having the announcer invite her to receive the award with me.

When BAJA was 4 ½ years old we found our second child Christian.  I found his birthmom Katie on the internet one night. Katie and her husband John are parenting 3 children, placed a little boy in a nearby city, and now were placing this little boy.  Katie and John wanted a family willing to be open to a relationship with his biological sibling. No problem for us. We welcomed this idea with open arms. Katie and John live in another state so our relationship is one of text messages, packages, and lengthy phone calls.  

Katie is strong and tough!! I love Katie’s strong, independence. Traits I see in Christian. Katie doesn’t let anyone tell her she can’t do something. Once she makes up her mind there is no going back. She is a hard worker. She tackles a problem. She is smart and subjects like math come easy for her. We were able to visit John & Katie early in her pregnancy and spend time with their family. She wanted to make sure we felt comfortable. She has a wonderful laugh. A deep belly laugh. She sees the good in a situation no matter how difficult. She often says “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. 

What I love most about Katie is her generous spirit. She offered so much to us even though she had little. Her generosity continued to amaze me when she was always the first to offer regarding the adoption plan. “You are going to be there for the birth, you are going to hold him first, you are going to stay in my room!”
I love Katie for her friendship and as she describes it “sisterhood”

Jonathan’s birthmom Vanessa has had a difficult life. I love her for her courage despite the rough journey she has had. Vanessa is quiet and graceful. She has a soft giggle and I love that Jonathan has her giggle. She has slate colored eyes kinda blue kinda brown kinda green and Jonathan has her eyes.  She loved nature including birds, trees, and the simple things in life. Since her life was complicated it’s interesting that she loved the simple aspects of life.  I love that from the moment Vanessa saw the picture of us she wanted him to go to our family. Despite everyone telling her otherwise, she placed him with us. She was so gracious in letting me go to all her doctor visits. She continually told me that Jonathan was meant for our family. I love her for her determination and I see this quality in Jonathan too. 

Vanessa had the courage to leave her stressful situation. She is in another state now and unfortunately I no longer have contact with her. This leaves a large hole in my heart. I think of her everyday I look into Jonathan’s eyes and I hope she has found peace in her new life. I send letters and pictures to her grandmother and I hope that these updates are opened and the messages are passed to her. I long for Vanessa to know how much we love and care for her!!

I love that my boys have a heritage of strong birthmothers. I am a strong mother and as such I am forever grateful that our children can know they are loved by strong mothers!
I am so blessed to have such beautiful women in our lives!

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