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Monday, June 11, 2012

Guest Blogger: I am an adoptee excited about the future

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I was born in 1978 through LDSFS, my adoption was closed.  
I had no information about my birthmother other than the non-identifying information 
about my birthmother and birthfather.  I always knew I was adopted growing up, 
there was never a time when I didn't know.  I never felt weird about it, 
my parents never treated me differently or made me feel adopted. 
 
Even though I always felt loved and never out of place with my family, 
I couldn't help myself but to wonder about my birthmother.  
I always wondered about her, what she looked like, what she sounded like, 
why she chose to place me for adoption, and if she ever thought about me.  
I always wondered if I looked like her, or where I got some of my personality traits from her.  
It was always hard going to the doctor not being able to tell them your families medical history.  Every time that came up I always cut them off with, "I don't know I am adopted."  
I always wanted to meet her just to say thank you.  

Although, I never truly understood what she went through until I went through it myself.

Having gone through the adoption process as a birthmother myself, 
I have so much respect for her.  
I do not know how she did it back then, 
never knowing where I ended up and never seeing me again 
after I was taken.  She had great faith that I would end up in a good home with great parents, 
who could provide for me more than  she was able to.  
Which they were amazing parents and were able to provide me an eternal home.  

Going through that made my desire to want to find her even stronger than ever.  But every time I went to ask if I could find anything I was always told the same non-identifying information I had been told already.  Because my birthmother never signed a consent to search form for the file the agency could not tell me her name or anything.  
For 15 years I ran around in circles trying to find information about her, more than what I had.  But to no avail that was not happening.

I was watching Troy the Locater Show one day 
and got an inspiration to write into the show to help me find my birthmother.  
I mean what could it hurt...everyone else had told me no up to this point 
and that is what I was expecting this time too.  
The file was sealed and they would not be able to get into it.  
About 6 months after I e-mailed them they called me and asked me if I was still interested 
in finding her.  I was...so the search began.  
It took almost a year, with a lot of resistance from the agency not wanting to give up information.  I am thinking they were scared to give it because they didn't want to get into trouble for giving it out.  But, finally I had all of the information and they found her for me!  

I wasn't born or raised in the state I am living in now, 
so when they found her I wasn't expecting that she would live 20 mins away from me.  
For the last 8 years I have lived here she lived 20 mins away!  
We started corresponding through Facebook at first 
and then exchanged phone numbers and started texting, and then we talked.  
We decided to meet.  
We met at the temple for the first time.  
I was so nervous, I felt like she would be so disappointed in me, 
or think I wasn't pretty, or something negative.  
But that was not the case.  
She loved me and accepted me with open arms and with an open heart!

Meeting her and being able to talk to her in person was awesome!  
I found out that she did see me after I was born against the hospital's advise...
she held me and kissed me.  
She gave me a name and everything.  
That had always been a burning question in my head, 
if she had seen me, or if she had ever held me...and she had done that!  
What a wonderful feeling to know that she did love me and want me, 
but she knew that she wasn't going to be able to support me 
or provide for me the way she wanted me to be.  
She wasn't going to be able to provide me a father 
and knew that would be important in my life.  
She had such faith that I would end up in a good place and have a good life.  
I did have a good life, I have the most amazing parents in the world.  
I am so grateful for adoption!

Adoption has made me who I am, 
a strong woman who has a strong testimony in God's plan for me.  
He knew where I needed to go and gave my birthmother the courage 
and the strength to do what she needed to do to get me there.  
She left her home and everyone she knew to another state to strangers to have me, 
because she knew my parents were there.  
She is my hero and I will always be thankful for her.

I have a relationship with her.  
I see her as much as I can.  
My parent's have been so supportive in my quest to find and get to know her.  
My daughter recently got baptized and she and my half sisters were 
there to share the day with us.  It was a neat experience and they are just beginning!!  
I am excited to see what the future has in store for us!

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