Saturday, July 14, 2012


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I recently came across someone telling a story about a birthmom who has an open adoption. She had been playing with her birth son and he fell and got hurt. Instead of going to the birthmom he went to the adoptive mom. The birthmom felt rejected.

I myself once had this happen when i was visiting with Josie and her fam. we were playing, Josie got hurt and instead of running to me for help she went to her mom. I kept thinking...how could she? doesn't she know who i am?? It took me several months to figure it out.

Jessa, you idiot, she knows who you are but you are not her mom. You hand picked her beautiful amazing family and a mother who would be there to kiss the boo boo's better. 3 years later Josie still runs to her mom. and....


it's her mom. Her mom is the one who has been there from the beginning to kiss her better and treat her right. That is what moms do.

I do understand her feelings of rejection but now that i am further along in this process I know that although the first time this may happen it may hurt....but it is not something to feel rejected about. you should be happy that your birthchild feels so well comforted by their mother that YOU chose for them. although this may be a hard concept to grasp (and to some a mean one to ask for you to grasp) it is something that needs to be done.

You placed your child. At that moment they became your birth child. at that moment they {the adoptive couple} became their parents. at that moment you became a birth parent. nothing more, nothing less.

it seems so cruel when i am writing this, but they are the facts. facts that need to be understood.

Here is another situation i have come across twice now.

birthmom to adoptive mom shares some parenting tip and/or asks them to parent differently and/or criticizes them on parenting style.

again. guys. seriously?!

you are not mom.
you are not mom.
you are not mom.

you are birthmom. birthmom. birthmom.

they are parenting, and unless you seem some type of abuse {God forbid that never happens}you should just keep to yourself.

I love you all and hope that you understand that i am trying to conquer the process of this whole parent vs birthparent behavior.

the child should always come first.

that is all. have a splendid unicorny rainbow skittle pooping day.


Jammie said...

Wowza! I don't even know what to say. I just want to hug you for writing this post! Wow! I hope you don't mind me sharing it on our facebook page... http://www.facebook.com/pages/Open-Adoption-Open-Heart/220921874646694


heather said...

Needed to read that. Great way to put it into perspective. I felt horrible the first time that Cooper turned and reached for me when his birth mom was holding him. She said "he wants you" and I just wanted to cry. I so wanted him to WANT her to hold him.

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