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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

An Open Letter to TV

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Hey TV! Yep it's me. I am the one who DVR's all my shows and then watches them when my baby is asleep. I am writing because i have a serious beef with you.

You see, you keep writing all these awful adoption tv shows. I understand drama sells but so does the truth because the truth, i PROMISE you, has way more emotion and drama then you could ever cook up.

The coercion story line: That's cute and all. but if you did your homework on ANY adoption except  those 50 years ago you would see times have changed. I wasn't coerced or brainwashed, and i could direct you to i am sure a heck of a lot more birthmoms that also were not coerced. Babies are not ripped out of arms, they are not taken away, and most definitely there is no real way to be coerced anymore. When you choose to place you are read these lovely things called relinquishment papers. These papers are painstakingly clear of what you are doing. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. To but it lightly and quickly they basically say, "you aren't the parent. got it? you sure? your really sure? this can't be taken back. understand? positive? " over and over again.

The "I'm taking back my baby because we have an open adoption": Open adoption 99.99 percent of the time does not end up like this. go ahead, focus on that .01 percent of the time....but i would LOVE if just one show would show the beauty of open adoption. Open adoption is a wonderful relationship in which the Adoptive Parents, Child, and Birthmother all get to have a relationship. -

-The birthmother gets to see how the child is doing, that the parents are awesome and reaffirm their decision. They also get to tell the child that they loved them when they made the choice and still do love them.
-The child is able to ask questions and get answers, receive their medical history, and know where they come from. Another biggie of open adoption is that they aren't forced to idealize their birthparents and have these outstanding ideals of them. And of course there is that whole health history they get. So when they are at the doctor and have to fill out that form, they actually can!
-The adoptive couples are able to have help answering questions. They too benefit from health history. And well, they get a baby out of the situation which is pretty big.

Yep. Open Adoption is pretty much awesome. There are a million studies that say so. Don't believe those ask an adult adoptee like Alex. Or you can ask some adoptive parents like Lindsey or M&S. And look at the blogs on our blog roll.

The not-so-reality tv: That's cute and all that you are letting people believe that shows like the one on TLC are real life, and they may be, but they are not the norm. Not all birthmoms are thiefs, drug addicts, lazy bums, or street walkers. Most birthmoms I know are mature, contributing members to society. So thanks but no thanks.

Last but not least, there is drama in the reality of adoption. I may not be a drug addict, I may not be trying to steal my birthchild back for the last 4.5 years. But i will tell you what drama there is. How about the 9 months i spent dealing with the emotions of do i place or don't i? I spent 9 months going back and forth of whether or not I could do this. What about the emotion of choosing a couple, a family to raise your baby? What about signing those horrific relinquishment papers then going into the bathroom and literally collapsing to the floor weeping almost to the point where you are screaming in literal pain because you are about to defy nature? What about the placement where that room that you place in is full of so many emotions it is unreal? There is love, pain, happiness, sadness and so much more. What about a woman placing their child into the arms of  couple to raise forever, to take care of forever? What about post placement where the emotions are so raw?

SERIOUSLY?!?! I could go on. it doesn't end there. There is drama, love, and comedy. Much more interesting if you ask me. Get an education. Do your research.

That's all.
Love, me.



1 comment:

Amber said...

Oh my heavens! I love this post! Thank you so much for it.

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