Adoption is hard. Adoption at times gives me grief that is so unimaginable. There is no way to explain it. One can not truly empathize unless they have been there. Every morning I wake up and my heart hurts, I know someone is missing. I know it will continue to be hard forevermore.
There are days when I cry. There are times when I wonder what if. There are times when I don't see how I could have done such a thing.
I love my birth daughter. I love her more than words can say. Her family loves her. They love her to the moon and back. She is loved. She knows it, with everything in her.
How do I know?
If you look under mom and dad, you see Jessa and Jr. She knows we are her birthparents. She knows who her mom and dad are. She is so well cared for. She is happy. What gives me peace is that I know with everything in me this was the choice I was supposed to make for her. I am thankful for my open adoption, my ability to keep up with her life. I am thankful that her parents work hard to make sure she knows where she came from and who she is. I am thankful her parents keep me in the loop. I am thankful they love me and care about me. I am thankful that adoption is in my life.
Adoption is a beautiful heartbreak, one I am thankful that turned out so beautiful.