Sunday, March 22, 2015

I Heard AND Felt The Relief...

*Names have been changed for privacy*

Right after I had placed a sweet perfect baby girl for adoption I was visiting my grandparents in California with a bunch of my college friends, one of which is now my husband. The pain of placement was still fresh and my friends were helping me live life and enjoy the moment. 

Towards the end of our trip my Grammy pulled me aside and told me 
"I don't tell many people this but when I was nineteen I placed a baby girl for adoption. I don't know where she is or how she is doing, but i know it was right. I am thankful that I had a caseworker who violated the rules and got me a picture of her. That's all I have."
At first I was thankful. I wasn't the only one. Then I was surprised. She went through this too.
Then I was broken. Why doesn't she get to know? I get to know, I had just seen my birth daughter who was 6 months old a few days before. Why doesn't she have pictures? Why doesn't she have support? Why doesn't she know her name? How has she healed and moved forward?

As time went on, adoption became my passion. It became a huge part of what I did everyday. I blogged my feelings, I talked about it, I worked through it my way. One time in my parent's office I was telling my Grammy of all my adoption adventures. She started crying. I could SEE the pain. I could FEEL the pain. She told me how she wanted to find her, but didn't know how.

F A S T    F O R W A R D 

October 2014. Grammy and I had another talk in my parent's family room. We spoke again about reunification. I offered my help. I have had luck in 8 other reunifications in the past 4 years, I figured, Why not try and help my own grandmother...

She gave me the information. She put her paper into the Utah Reunion Registry. Still Nothing.

I searched and searched. Nothing. Here was the thing. My grandmother was unsure of a few things. IMPORTANT things. like EXACT birth date...kinda important. She didn't know the doctor's name. Her mother had made her use a fake name, so her birth daughter wouldn't be able to find her. I occasionally checked and put an alert on the boards to email me when something matched. nothing

Well just about a two weeks ago, I felt this urge to look again. I googled the month and year, adoptee, and the state of birth. I got 3 matches. All of them to the same person. We will call her Jane. I instantly went on a searching rampage to find Jane. I knew in my heart of hearts, this was her. God (and google) had led me to her. I could not find her contact info anywhere.

The next day I spoke to my Facebook friend and forever hero Susan Williams.
She runs Search Quest America...Anyways...I digress
She starts giving me all these phone numbers and number after number I say, "Hi this message is for Jane, if you were adopted in ____ of ____ will you please give me a call back. NOTHING. Then I found a number I knew it had to be, I asked Susan to get me the whole thing. I tried calling and got no response, So I texted. It said " Hi, If you are Jane from the search boards who was adopted in ___ of ___ give me a call. I think I know your birth mother."

I got a call. My heart started racing. My mind was jumbled. My hand shaking. I answered.

We talked, compared the little information she did have. She asked me a few questions that only my grandmother would know. I called my grandmother and asked her the questions. THEY MATCHED!
I had found her. It was really her.

When I called my grandmother back I said, through a mess of tears,
"Grammy, I think I really found her." She responded, "I think you found her Jessa."
We cried for a minute. She said she needed a minute to process. OBVIOUSLY. We hung up.
That night she spoke to her birth daughter. They made plans to meet. They exchanged pictures.

The next day I decided to find the birth father. I don't know why, but that dude was so freaking easy to find. He is the nicest man ever. He wouldn't let me off the phone but he was adorable. I gave his info to Jane as well.

I will end this ever continuing posts (Updates to come) by saying,

Telling my Grammy I found her daughter that she had surely thought of many many times. That she knew she could very possibly never meet. I HEARD and FELT the relief. I heard the weight lift off her shoulders as I told her Jane wanted her to know she had a beautiful life. I felt the relief through the phone when I told her she had children, a husband, and lived just a few hours south of her. Her heart could now rest. Her mind could be at ease. Jane could get answers, Grammy could answer them. They could learn from each other and talk of their experiences in being separated for so long.

I look forward to the day to hear how meeting in person went. That day, will be the best day of all.

God is good. No Adoptee EVER deserves to only know their birth mothers height, weight, and eye color. No adoptee should ever have to search THAT hard to get answers on who they are.

Please join me in writing a letter, lobbying, whatever you choose in getting Adoptees the rights they


1 comment:

Unknown said...

What a beautiful story - made me cry. Meow - so many years of not knowing, wondering, hoping... Finally answered. Lovely.

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