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Friday, August 21, 2009

because most never read the comments

comment from Christie Smathers in response to this post

I am a birth mother of a 2.5 year old son. I had alot of friends who told me i was a horrible mother for doing this and i didnt love my son. Recently i was told that i was wrong in "forcing myself upon my birthson" because we have an open adoption. I love my birth son and his family. His parents are more than best friends to me, and more than a sister and brother. We are almost like one family - just with 4 parents. We see eachother and talk to eachother all the time. We love eachother. I love my son as much as i love the child i now have with my beloved husband. My birth son knows who i am, and will always know. My daughter will always know who my son is and his parents.

What i try and remember when these people say these things is that they dont know. They dont know how much i love my son, and why i did what i did. How can they know when they themselves have never - in anyway - been touched by adoption? It is truly the greatest and hardest thing a parent can do, is send her child out to live a better life. Did moses' mother not to the same thing? Did joseph not adopt Christ as his own son? And as for those who speak ill of my openness. How can they know of the love and unique and special one-of-a-kind relationship i have with my family? Each birthparent-adoptivefamily relationship is unique and special in its own day and though some people can understand parts of it, no one can ever fully understand.
Personally i know that i did the right thing. Adoption is a beautiful thing. People are all for adoption when someone is adopting, but hate it when other are placing (including my own grandmother. I was placing my son and she hated me for it even though my aunt had just adopted a little girl). They need to realize that every aspect of adoption is beautiful, and wonderful and miraculous.

2 comments:

L. S. Smathers Family said...

Stay strong Christie, in spite of the negative. You know you did a wonderful thing and I couldn't be more proud of you.
Love, Sarah Smathers

Nicole said...

I think it is easy for other people to judge and not their first instinct to put themself in someone else's shoes. Even if they tried, they would still fall short of understanding.

I think it is enough to know that you did the right thing and not worry about what other people think. When your son is old enough I am sure he will say thank you, and isn't that all that matters?

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