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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Moving on?

So I don't know about you but one of the questions I am constantly asked when the subject of placing my baby for adoption comes up is "how have I possibly been able to move on?"

I've often said that it's not about moving on, its more about choosing to live. I mean really...could we ever truly "move on" from what has taken place in our lives? For me it's more of a "getting stronger" process. Regardless how many days, months, or years its been since placement I often have to make a conscious effort to tell myself it's okay to be happy. In the beginning I felt like if I was happy, there was something wrong with me. Like it meant that I didn't love my daughter enough or I wasn't taking the situation seriously. I don't think any statement could be more false. When it comes to getting stronger, for me it's just a matter of taking it day by day and being okay with being both happy & sad. However I think it is SO important for us to learn to live our lives for us.

I have several friends who have had similar experiences in life and they have chosen to live their life in their experience. I am not here to lecture but I want to encourage that it can be so damaging to throw ourselves so much into that moment of our lives that we aren't capable of living for anything else. I've seen these girls struggle to be okay with their decision and have made their soul purpose in life to be ONLY about their children. Even as a woman who has the opportunity to raise her own child it is so very important to have some part of your life be for yourself.

Where does it seem to be that I am going with this? I know that often my thoughts might seem jumbled or confused, but this has been something that has been on my mind for awhile now and I think it is important for us to know that: It's OKAY to live, It's OKAY to be happy!! Does these mean you've "moved on" or forgotten what's taken place...HECK NO, but it's a part of what is going to make life healthy.

When I'm in my moments of sadness I recognize that this too is healthy when it comes to the healing process of what can sometimes feel like the "loss" of my child, and it is in so many ways an event that takes place to remind of that pain and how much I truly do love that little girl. However after a few hours, or days, or sometimes even weeks I remind myself that she is living her life and an amazing one at that, and I too deserve to live mine. In reality I take the time to live my life for her. When we meet again someday I want her to see that I've had a happy life and that by giving her more, she in return gave me more. What better reason is their to live a happy life? What better excuse do I have to be successful?

To make my jumbled-ness more simple: Live life. Live Happy. It is okay to be sad, but more importantly its okay to BE HAPPY. Don't feel guilty. I chose to place my daughter for adoption so she could have a better life, how crazy would it be if I didn't choose the same for myself? You deserve this! You deserve to live. Now go do it!! :) BE STRONG & recognize that you already are!! 

                                                                     
                                                                         -Amanda

4 comments:

Karine said...

Jessa, I know your words are comforting to someone right now that are reading them and feeling the things you have. I admire your willingness to share your thoughts so openly and honestly. I admire your desire to help others and to love others.
I am so thankful to know you! Your amazing. I wish you HAPPINESS DAILY! :)

birthMOM said...

karine - amanda wrote this.

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

I am here to say that I too take it all in and learn from it. For years now I have had many good days in a row, months perhaps, and then one day I just slip back into sadness. Not because of what I did, but what I have missed. But then, I sit and quietly remind myself that there is a family out there that was able to see, feel and rejoice in what I missed. That is the thought that keeps my heart alive. Knowing that there are families out there that had many laughs, awards, sporting events and other things to enjoy becuase I was willing to let my heart walk without me. I am not ashamed, sad or disgruntled by it. I grow from it everysingle day...even 20 years after the placements.

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

birthmomforever said...

great post! Thanks so much for sharing. I'm sure it will touch many people. I know when I first placed i mostly had sad/hard days but when I started to feel happy I felt guilty. You are so right that you need to live and it's okay to be happy. I too feel that I need to live for my son and have a good life. I want him to be happy that I am his birth mom. Thanks again for the great thought!

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