guest blogger: "You've Been Served"

I was a born and raised hick from a very little town. Everyone knows you, your name, your dog, your car, and even more importantly, your mess ups. I had gotten pregnant from my boyfriend, decided it was not the environment I would want any baby to be raised in, so my mom and I thought it best I move in with my sister in Provo to finish my senior year. After arriving in Utah I realized I had no idea what I was going to do. I had broken up with the father, moved away and had a baby growing rapidly inside of me. So August of 07 was when it all began.

I had heard about this couple from my sister that she had went to college with. I looked at their LDS services profile and was immediately sold. Yep, that's who I wanted to have my baby. I wanted this child to have a mother and a father that were established, in love, and strong in the church. This couple was all that and more. So normally when you find a couple you tell LDS services they contact them, they get back to the agency...etc. In my case, I called my sister, got their number and dialed.

Ring...Ring...

Crap. Did I even think of what i'm going to say? The other line picked up. "Hello?"

"Um. God told me I have your baby."

I could feel the confusion, disbelief and joy radiate over the phone line. The next half hour was explaining to this wonderful woman and her husband who I was, and what I wanted. Months seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was 4 weeks away from delivery. Tina and Jared (the adoptive couple) had met with the birth father and his new wife and things were on track. They seemed, well, supportive enough of our situation. My couple lived halfway across the country so when it seemed like I would possibly deliver early, Tina came to live with me for a bit. I loved watching her cuddle up to my tummy and have the baby kick her. He knew her voice. He knew that was his mommy.

10 days before I gave birth, a man knocked on my door and I heard the 3 most dreaded words. "You've been served." The birth father was petitioning for paternity. He had already agreed to let us go forward as far as we knew, so what did we do now? I was so angry. Court cases, papers and lawyers consumed my life. Why was I fighting so hard to give something so precious away? Was this really all worth it? I barely had time to process anything before the big day arrived. February 16th, Trenton was born, on my due date. Tina was there with me in the room, she held Trenton first, she watched everything, she was his mother. I knew it. Still our trials had not finished.

They were not allowed to leave the state when court cases were open so they had to stick around. We stayed at my uncles house for a week. A week of bonding, playing, feeding and joy. To this day i'm not sure if that made things harder or easier. We dropped Tina and Trenton off at her sisters about 2 hours away. The whole ride back, I sobbed. Reality had set in. This wasn't my baby. It was time to go back to school which I had only missed a week of, and wait to see what the lawyers decided. I was ready to have them be life time babysitters if needed. Luckily in the end the adoption worked out.

Still I am very close with Tina and Jared. In the future Trenton will probably be sent here to spend weekends with me. We may have a much more open adoption than most, as Tina and I talk on a weekly basis, but I love it. If Trenton ever has a question about me, he can call and ask. I have come to terms with the fact that Trenton is theirs. I have my own now, and my own family, but Trenton will always hold a very special place in my heart. From God's Arms, to My Arm's, to theirs. And I couldn't be more grateful.