Two days ago I realized my worst fear.
I thought what would happen if I after placing my first child was not able to get have another baby.
This thought terrifies me. More than pretty much everything. It kills me inside to think about it. For me it just doesn't seem fair. I know that is extremely selfish thinking but its a serious and honest thought.
It seems weird to worry about it because so many of my favorite people are the adoptive couples in the world. They either lost their ability to or have not ever been able to have a baby naturally.
They are still very strong amazing people with beautiful families through the thing that I fight so hard to advocate every day I am awake.
So then I get to thinking, "What if it gets to that point? What if I am put in that situation?" Naturally I should say without hesitation, I will adopt. But for some reason there is that little thing in my head that keeps saying " No, that isn't what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to have kids. Not adopt. "
Oh the frustration and turmoil I experience when I get all these thoughts in my head! Thank goodness for this blog! Thank Goodness! Sometimes it helps to write out your thoughts to get them out of my head.
I publish this article because I want to know...
Am I the only one who has had these thoughts? Has anyone else gone through the same thing back and forth in their head?
I would appreciate everyone's comments!
One Little Word 2017
2 months ago