The conversation usually goes something like this:
Them: you are a birthmom?, you placed/gave up your baby?, (or any other choice of various phrases)
Them: Wow. I could never do that.
Well, i find this statement very funny when brought up in conversation about being a birthmother. The reason being; no one would ever think they could do that. I sat for 9 months constantly saying, "i am not going to be able to do that" That's the funny thing about adoption though, no matter what part of the triad you are in, you NEVER think , "i could do that." Let me Explain.
You are a girl who is pregnant and is in some sort of precarious situation (single, abusive, unfaithful, etc) and you feel that this baby is (for whatever reason) not meant to be with you after he/she is born.
The first thought in most girl's minds would not be,
"Oh i will JUST place this baby for adoption."
Why? because placing for adoption isn't a thing you JUST do. most pregnant girls don't even know that adoption is out there and the positive effects it can have on everyone involved in the situation. (Adoption isn't the right choice for every girl in these situations, but i also think people should be educated and know that it IS a choice. ) Like it is said all the time, "you never know what you can do, until you try." Now this is not an ad to go out and get pregnant and then place, this is just merely stating, it is amazing what you can achieve when you know something is right.
I and I am sure many other birthmoms/firstmoms/tummy mummys out there never thought I COULD do that. I just knew I SHOULD do that.
I guess really i am just not sure how to answer this when someone says it to me, I usually just say, "Ya, I didn't think I could either, but I know it was right and don't regret it at all."
Most adoptive couples don't plan on adopting from day 1 of their life. It usually happens when they find out at some point in their life that they are not able to conceive. So then Adoption is one of their few options of ways to obtain a family.
I am sure that many of these adoptive couples start out by thinking:
"love someone else's child as my own, I could never do that."
Well a little while down the road they are presented with a wonderful opportunity to adopt a baby and little did they know they have more love for this child then they ever thought possible. They see past the different DNA and see into what a miracle the whole process of adopting this child was.
This is the harder one for me to write about. The adoptee has no choice on whether or not he/she is to be adopted. however, there is one subject matter I could never do that seems to fit in perfectly.
I have several adoptees that were adopted before the time of open adoption. and many of them have told me at one time or another , "an open adoption, I could never do that." Yet at another point in time they say , i wish i knew who my birthmother was.
I can't imagine what a pain it would be to not know your roots. To have never grown up in an open adoption. I can't imagine the fear running through an adoptee's mind before meeting or contacting their birthparent for the first time. But i have seen some of my adoptee friends begin beautiful relationships with their birthfamily and learn about their roots. They pushed past that pain and that fear and something wonderful came of it.
Ghandi once said, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
Adoption is some people's struggle, and those who decide not to surrender and stay positive they find themselves looking back and saying, "I did that."