I actually have had a few friends let me know recently about themselves or people they know that have said they regret placing.
Oddly enough every single one of these people are three to four months into the adoption process.
Also interesting, this is when i said, a couple times, "I need to get Josie back."
Now further on down the road, at almost 3 years.... I don't regret it and i would NEVER dream of saying I want Josie back.
So what has changed?
Well first of all, I have found myself. I have found who I am. I have MATURED
I was ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY immature. i mean in a bad way. I still have a little bit of that immaturity...but i am nowhere near as bad as i used to be. I have learned that there is someone of importance besides myself. I learned that no matter what even if it hurts beyond belief you need to do whats right.
I think another thing that has changed is i was able to see into the future. I had some space. Some time to heal and not have every second of every day revolve around that gorgeous little girl...that goofy, funny, lively, beautiful, sweet little girl. Now i think of Josie, I do. Quite often in fact. but now because i had that space it is a happy thought. A smile. an acknowledgement. An absolute happiness for her and her wonderful family. I was able to look in the future and see, now it might be fun to have her while she is a small baby, but what about when she is 3 or 4 and she wants a daddy. when she needs a daddy. What about when i am working 40 hour weeks and she was in daycare and i only got to see her for a few hours everyday before i had to tuck her in, go to bed, and start it all over the next day? What about when her biological sperm donor decided he wanted to be daddy and start a custody battle so that he could have those weekend visits, then having to explain his excuse of why he decided not to show up that weekend.
The future was my saving grace.
I think it is normal to go through a time of, "I want my baby back." Not EVERY person will go through it but i bet most will at least think it once or twice. I think it is normal to want to What If the heck out of the situation. But also during these times revert back to the journal entry when you wrote how strong you felt in your decision. Go back to those memories of the face to face, the choosing of the couple. Remember why you chose adoption in the first place.
Be careful that you aren't getting sucked in by fantasies, ex boyfriends, baby daddies, overwhelming depression.
Sometimes it helps to just vent in a journal, on a blog, etc. Just make sure to not dwell for an excessive period of time.
When times are tough find a good friend to talk to. one who will be honest, brutally honest.
I love you all!
One Little Word 2017
2 months ago