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Sunday, March 7, 2010

QUESTIONS are ANSWERED! Q #10


Answers from the lovely birthmothers:
Note – not every birthmother has answered every singlequestion, please match the fonts to know whose response you are reading!

if you would like to answers any of the questions please do so in the comment section and be sure to leave the number of the question that is being answered.

Stefanie     http://stefaniejinelle.blogspot.com/
Megan  http://angryoctopusstudios.blogspot.com/
Alyssa       one of our guest bloggers
Anna      http://annamaryk.blogspot.com
Jennilee     one of our guest bloggers
Amanda     http://travisandamandarosemans.blogspot.com/
Nicole    http://lifeafterfirstmom.blogspot.com/
Kelsey    http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/
Shannon
Michelle
Andee      http://anabananandee.blogspot.com/
Britney
Janessa     http://scottandjanessa.blogspot.com/
Jennifer
Shanna    one of our blog authors




10. how do you cope when the adoptive couple doesnt follow thru on commitments they made with contact after finalization?

I feel hurt, but life goes on, they might be busy, there could be tons of reasons why they lost contact for a little. However, if you respect your Acouple and are HONEST with them, they are doing to be more willing to follow through.  And quite frankly, as hard as it may sound, as your Bchild’s parents they have the right to do whatever they want, although I personally think that we deserve the best, sometimes you just have to accept that they know what’s best.  ;)

I just kind of look at this way- My adoptive couple has a 2 year old son already and now they're taking care of a baby. I'm sure they have their hands full. I can't be straight up angry with them. Just because I don't have a life except for school and work and they have a family to take care of. I've been okay with just e-mails whenever they have the time to e-mail me. But if I need an email right away I'll e-mail them first or just call them.

There were about three months when my adoptive couple didn't send any pictures or letters or anything. I was too nervous to say anything to them directly, but I spent plenty of time complaining to my friends at group and my caseworker! Eventually my caseworker talked to theirs and they immediately sent a bunch of pictures and a long letter.

There really isn’t anything you can “do” about it because it is really all up to them, but I would say my coping methods in dealing with it were to cry and talk to others I was close to about it.

Im not sure how to cope when they dont follow through. been working on that the last 3 1/2 yrs now. it hasnt gotten n e easier for me. i looked for support groups but found none where i am. ive emailed the amom. didnt do much good. just got a response i didnt like (wasnt mean or n e thing). i cry a lot. have bad dreams.

I cried a lot when they didn't follow through on contact. But since the visit, I still maintain a warm sense of contentment and I don't find myself staring at my email for hours waiting for Lisa to write. I used to "stalk" her Facebook page. It is private, and she has not added me as a friend, but I would check her friends every day to see if she had more, so I could tell if she was on the computer. Crazy, I know...but true.

To be honest that has never happened to me.  As long as they know how I feel and what I want they follow through.  I am sure that if it was a ridiculous request though, they would say no.  We have learned to communicate with everything.  If I feel something is not being met, I tell them, and vice versa.

So far, I’ve been incredibly lucky with my son’s parents! 

Mine has followed through pretty well! There have been the times when they were late on a weekly email, etc & I just tried to continue looking at her previous pictures and rereading past letters. I had to realize that they truly did care, but were just busy and human! They don't fully understand how these updates make or break us sometimes!

~I haven't experienced this.

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