I was talking to other bmoms and amoms about this recently and here is a list of things I figured out are surefire ways to make it successful and HEALTHY!
1- Maintain healthy and respectful boundaries
a. I found that if you are respectful of the acouple they will be respectful of you (minus the few freak couples...but if you are freaking out about your couple stop and figure out what you could be doing wrong.)
b.as stated in an earlier post know when to say when. If you feel you need healing time, Take IT! you will be much happier in the long run even if it sucks for a while.
2-Realize (however unpleasant) that although the child is your flesh and blood he/she is no longer YOURS
a. yeah, its is not easy to grasp for some people at first but it is important to understand. I have heard many girls that do have a healthy relationship say its like visiting a cousin, niece, or nephew. you have fun when you hang out but you know you will see them again and they know you love them muchas!
b. most a-couples i have talked to said they felt the need to back off a little because the b-mom or b-dad was trying to be mommy or daddy number 2 and help parent etc.
3-Be willing to go with the flow
a. realize that visits may not go as planned. children are unpredictable. children get sick. plans change. don't get butt-hurt.
- -What are your ways to keep your adoption super healthy ???? DO SHARE!!- -
1 comment:
I feel talking about other things other than your child helps a lot too. Of course I always get the scoop on my girl every time we talk/text/email, we also will talk about life in general, my then boyfriend (now husband) an any parties, school, or whatever life throws at me. She said she likes living vicariously through me because all she does is work or mom stuff (oh though how I wish I could be just doing the "mom" stuff sometimes), sad thing for her is I've never been much of a party person! lol
The point is we have a normal relationship along with this curious "moms" relationship.
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